So you know today was good.
It wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t even near my idea of perfection but it was good, I laughed a lot, shared more than my fair share of jokes with the people I’m really fond of and I got to work out.
really, what more could a girl ask for?
i know what you’re thinking: fairy dust, unicorns, prince charming, a better job, singapore.
Yes, i’ve got all of these on my bucket list, but lately, i’ve been more into living in the moment and in building a relationship with the one i love the most and just making sure that my life is built on Him alone.
and i’ve been less of a bitch. i’ve been less of a control freak and although sometimes i can seriously shoot flies because i’m doing the same thing every single day of my life, i hold back because normal is good. normal means everyone i love is safe and happy. normal means i’m not killing someone at the office — this is a joke. normal means i’m not falling in love or falling into a deep infatuation with anyone and breaking my already oh so fragile heart in the process.
and you know, i like this stability. i like not being a drama queen and i like the fact that i can pretty much focus on loving people and loving them right. i still have outbursts but trust me they’re on a whole new level of outbursts.
i like how much He has changed me on the inside but at the same time, there’s so much more that needs to be changed in me and that includes this holistic need to prove everyone wrong, which borderlines into revenge. but it’s an everyday process. an everyday process that allows room for mistakes–although that’s not an excuse for it.
i’m also sick and tired of people telling me to lose weight or telling me i’ve gained. they are the exact same people who’d tell me i need to fatten up, so if i constantly live my life for these people who obviously have nothing better to do in their lives but watch my weight then i’d be a mega pathetic loser, so i guess it’s time for me to step away from that and just move to a point of self-love because it’s true without that, you could never fully love other people. again, it’s a process but one day at a time. and abi was right, if the people who loved me now that i look like this then really, what’s the point? they love me. that is more than enough.
and if a person would judge me based on my waistline then what does that say about me and about the person?
God is really changing my heart and I pray that He does the same miracle for you.
