The not so lackluster wonder


“Have you ever had a dream that seemed so real, when you woke up you didn’t know what to believe? What would you do if what you thought was true, wasn’t? And what you thought wasn’t true, was? Would you retreat into your dreams with the hope of finding a more perfect reality? Sometimes life is strange in that dream. And the only way to wake up is to face what lies hidden in your self. And you can only hope that in those moments of dark reflection, that you are not alone.” –One Tree Hill

“We all can use a little hope sometimes, you know. That feeling that everything is gonna be okay and that there’s gonna be someone there to help make sure of that.”

I’ve been having a hard time falling asleep lately. Well, not really the falling asleep part, I’ve been having difficulty with the waking up part and not because I finally outgrew my Winnie the Pooh alarm tone but because everytime I wake up in the morning, I find myself startled over a dream I just had.

A dream that has been bothering me for quite awhile now, I must admit, I am the queen of dreams, if ever there was one.

I’m one to remember the dreams that don’t matter and try to make sense of it while I hardly even remember the important ones.

But the thing about my fickle dreams is the fact that they hardly ever repeat themselves (darn! I never got a second chance to dance with Zac Efron and Nikki Blonsky, “You can’t stop the beat” dundun!) until this one that I’ve been having for a week now.

It’s scaring me.

Not because it contains monsters or whatnot, but because of something scarier.

It’s about someone from my past.

I’d rather not divulge who it is and it’s not like we were together.

He was someone I used to like.

Someone so perfect, he isn’t even worthy of my dreams.

I think the big deal about liking someone so unattainable is the thought of what things would be like when he finally takes the time to talk to you.

Ohmigad, it may have been so shallow (*first words he said to me, “HI”. I almost melted) but to me it meant THE WORLD.

I cannot fully explain the marvel that went along with those little conversations about what to do for our next report (my goodness, I could’ve kissed a professor if they placed me in the same group as his!) and taho (hint hint). But I’ll try for the sake of those of you who may have felt the same way at one point.

It’s like seeing this beautiful toy in a toy store and more than anything, you want to get your hands on that toy. You begin dreaming of what you’re going to do with it once you have convinced your parents to buy you that toy. You always think of ways to take care of it so that it would always be beautiful.

Of course, for most of us, that toy was never received but going to the toy store and looking at it, hoping to get it someday, hoping that it would be a part of our lives.

That hope’s exciting, always was and always will be.

That was how he made me feel.

A silly crush, but it was exciting.

For a moment, it meant the world to me and now, even though I have no idea which part of the world he’s in, those days in 2005 still make me smile.

Because as reality would have it, we all would meet someone who would be more than just a crush and it would be ten times better and worse, depending on how you look at it, but the most important thing of all is the fact that there’s hope.

There’s something to look forward to and that my friend, makes life worth living.


“Somebody tell me you’ve got love figured out, because I got news for you; it’s pretty darn messy right now. But I guess it’s always been that way: Wanting to be loved, to find somebody that makes your heart ache in a good way, to feel understood. So.if you’re robots, or aliens, or something and you’re watching this right now and that feeling no longer exists; well, you missed it and I feel sorry for you. Cause as far as I can tell, that’s what it’s all about.”