i don’t know where I am right now. something incredibly huge is happening and i can no longer react the way i used to. it’s as if i went through the motions of tears, of blaming myself but instead of wallowing in self-pity like I used to, I just simply accepted things for what they are and placed my heart in an absolutely ridiculous place of belief that things will get better no matter how bad they are now.

the control freak in me wants to fix things, but I can no longer fix this so i don’t want to be depressed all the time. i just want to keep moving forward and sometimes it takes being in a bad place to get to somewhere better. i don’t know where i stand and i don’t know what will happen next but i’m sure of one thing, God will be with me and those I love and that’s all that I can do.
at this moment that is all that i can do.