August 03, 2010 The Epiphany of Ham and Cheese


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It’s been a tough couple of weeks for me, the reason why I dislike birthdays because usually, my life is going quite well up until the stroke of midnight.

And it would once again take me 12 months to rebuild whatever grandeur was lost (which was not that grand really).

I could also be overly dramatic.

To be honest, there isn’t anything major happening that could cause my soul to wander aimlessely.

However, things have not been stable as well. My mind, which never seems to stop working, has traveled to ex-loves who have found loves of their own, friendships that just disappeared and certain people i’ve met at the wrong time.

This is the compulsive control freak speaking. I also have more time in my hands because a student was whisked away to some deeper part of the South, although I know that this is not permanent.

So with all these thoughts in mind, i am left with empty mornings and afternoons. Needless to say, despite cleaning every inch of the house, working out and reading a brand new book everyday doesn’t seem to help me chase away the dark thoughts.

Until I ate a ham and cheese sandwich today. I actually enjoy preparing my own food, no matter how simple, and spending time to eat it on my own.

It makes me think and it sometimes helps in putting things back to perspective. I was dangerously treading the lines of emptiness and I needed to know why all of this was happening.

For me there needed to be a reason why and while I enjoyed eating my own version of ham, egg and cheese I felt that God was telling me to take a time out.

From what? I truly do noy know why but tomorrow I might be able to find out why.

I guess i’m not supposed to know even if i’m going insane just trying to find out why.

But in that time alone, I felt that everything is going to be okay.

That no matter what has happened in the past, at least in the past three weeks, it’s over with and it’s time to stop being an overly compulsive wise ass.

I feel better than I have in weeks.

God is good and even in the little moments, He is alive and able 🙂