raves

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Scars Loose

I’m really really trying to not be a drama queen anymore. It takes too much energy and as advised by this really cool writer, Francesca Ayala from the Philippine’s Star Young Star Section (out every Friday) people are not drawn to heavy articles.

I want people to read my blog and be enlightened. Not have a scurry on thier faces after reading my entries.

As I’ve said, I am really really trying.

So this may be the beginning of my “lighter” entry while trying to evoke the experience that caused me to write the said article. (Words of Wisdom from Ms. Ayala again)

I have begun rereading, “Purpose Driven Life” again due to the fact that I’ve been trying hard to eradicate all the negativity in my body and trying to fill it with forgivness.

Well, I guess I have forgiven myself already and the people part of my past now, but there are still tinges somewhere in my nervous system.

I have no idea if it’s because of my medications but then again, anything to write about.

That’s when I realized that I still have a couple of scars loose within me.

I mean the band aid’s long gone and it no longer hurts like hell, but it cringes every once in awhile. Like whe it’s reminded of what caused it.

I guess primarily it’s because those scars lost a part of my dream world.

You know it’s like being one of barney’s playmates and finding out that he’s NOT EVEN REAL. *gasp*

That’s what I am going through right now.

Lost because Barney doesn’t exsist.

It’s kindda hard to actually thread them one by one, but I guess the main point of this entry is saying that even if one have scars loose (as most of us do) that doesn’t make us any uglier or any more diminished, so to speak.

Remember this story:

“Once upon a time there was this big piece of rock living peacefully on a mountaintop. One day she gets transported far far away, all of a sudden she recieves multiple blows around her body. She’s hurt really bad, bruised and hurt. The beating continues without her knowing why. It just goes on and on. Suddenly, it all stops. Then one day. people start to look at her, they stop and stare, she’s begins to wonder why. One day they were two workers carrying a mirror. The rock finally saw her reflection and saw that she was not a beautiful statue”

Wow.

I mean, I’ve been struggling for words but I hope this makes out what I am trying to say.

If you’ve had those nasty scars with you, I’m really praying you’d find peace soon and magnify its purpose in your life.

That exactly is what I’m praying for myself too.

Stand up from all those hurt and move on.

Be the wonderful statue that God intended you to be.


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GUILTY PLEASURES

*Reading books that are meant for high school girls or junior high girls.
*Singing and Dancing to Hilary Duff videos.
*Watching The Suite Life of Zach and Cody.
*Sneaking a bite of Brazo de Mercedes when I think no one is looking.
*Unlimited Texting.
*Watching reruns of What I Like About You.
*

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Getting saved by one of my oldest friends


Daisy and I have a crazy of keeping in touch and that’s through the horror of teenage life (which is something that we would have to leave soon *sniff*), new books, occasionally fashion but more often than not ONE TREE HILL (the constant Lucas and Nathan debate has stood the test of time). But most of the time, thanks to globe unlimited we are able to simply bitch about life and get a quirky response from each other. It’s like playing tennis, only better, because you can do it while watching E! or something like that.





Also her blog supplies me with unlimited supplies of bloggerings like the one in this entry and that is just plain terrific.


Anyway, Wednesday night was comforting for me because of her and what she said about what I was ranting about. I’d rather not divulge the reason mainly because I have forgotten what it was. But it did hurt at that time.

So anyway, allow me to share with you the conversation we had that night to fully explain just how wonderful she is.

Me: (after she asks how I am) “Bett-er! I decided that I gave it a try and it wasn’t what I was
hoping for, I guess it’ll come at the right time. I’d rather move on. But that doesn’t help it from being sucky, reality bites:p”

Daisy: “I know right.. But the sooner we accept reality, the sooner life will move on for us”

We probably exchanged more text messages after that but I may have probably deleted it but I did save the best one that we did exchange that night.

Daisy: “Let’s just chill for now. Savor life and all that it gives- the good and the bad”

Me: (finally gaining perspective) “True. Maybe we just don’t sit down and savor it. We’re too afraid to enjoy because we’re afraid to get hurt”

***
We move on to smarter things like the Lucas and Nathan debate or did we just run out of credits? I just couldn’t remember.

Daisy is truly the sweetest person around. I know most people our age would think that being friends mean that you should be together 24/7 and have a million and one pictures posted on our friendster, myspace, multiply and whatever website is popular right now.

But Dais and I have been through that and I must admit, we’re past that.

As cheesy as it may sound, we are now the type of friends who would be able to go on days and months without texting, calling or pretty much communicating but still find it easy to talk and talk and talk.

***

Thanks girl for listening to me vent last night, I’m in a much better state now.:)

Let’s go and take more risks:) And what’s written in your blog is true, time just numbs the pain. :)) I still miss her as much as you do. But you know what? She’d be proud of us, because through it all, we’re still, in a way the same.

The giggling fifth graders in a taxi, afraid to get caught.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!






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A few things I saved in my phone but has forgotten about

Sent to my bestfriend, Joray:

“I’m smiling best from ear to ear and my heart’s dancing”

Saved while waiting for my doctor:

The Hole

It used to be negative and something that’s never ever to be mentioned.

But today it’s simply the place where one can rest and not worry about life’s nothingness.

A place just to relax and feel comfortable without a hint of worry.

Easier said than done because one is too busy with so many things to do and to think of.

Because of that it’s harder to enter that place simply because one doesn’t have the time.

Saved after watching Mighty Ducks for the nth time:

We all wish to experience the same magnificent feeling again- to discover something that can never be recreated again.
It may be the same place, may even be of the same day but never ever the same wonder.

Saved while watching a game:

Silently Watching
Silently Listening
Just wishing that it would just all go away
Sometimes I can’t explain why it’s still here with us both knowing that the wind has already taken it away.
Without a doubt that was definitely the end but my heart just won’t stop this crazy pilgrimage of intense insanity.
It continues to hope that it would all be explained soon.
Hoping that the madness that I felt has a reason of some sortThat someday it would all unravel and our first would definitely be our last.

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a few realizations for the new month

For the longest time, I have always pleased people, not in a horrific way though, I have not done anything damaging or addictive. My people pleaser persona has not made me lose touch of my values. There’s something in me that continually seeks to please people, but not up to the point that made me indulge in vices and the like.

I probably wasn’t aware that I needed to draw a line between miserably making people happy and making them happy because it makes me happy. I forgot who I am in order to please people who turned out to be not worth it in the end.

I just realized that it’s not entirely selfish to think of “me” every once in awhile. And that it’s okay to say no to people who are only taking you for granted or are only nice when they need something.
**
Rediscovering old friends is a difficult thing to do. It’s rare to find people who would accept you and the fact that you have changed.

I don’t think I’ve changed who I am entirely, just tweaks here and there, which I believed was because I just wanted to be a better person. I don’t blame those people though, everyone just grows up. I, myself feel that way towards old friends. It’s probably an element of surprise that a geek has turned into a hot stuff or a nice guy turning into a bully. Surprise, but not critical, everyone changes-way of life.

Accepting those realities of life is included in the rigid process of maturity. It’s not something that we would want to do, but it’s there.

**
It’s okay to sound stupid. It’s okay to be imperfect and it’s okay to be a klutz every now and then. Who cares if I say and do things that make me sound 12? It’s easier to find people who would accept this 12 year old than be “un” confident with who I am- a klutz, a geek and yes, still a kid who believes in fairy tales.

**
Friends plus Dating= DISASTER

If you’ve been friends for the longest time, I don’t think it’s such a great idea to date each other. Believe or not, the cliché is true, the one that says that friendship is more important than relationships.

Ayee!

Or maybe it just wasn’t really meant to be *sigh*

**
The perfect man doesn’t exist. I know that and it’s implanted in my brain waves, however, one realization is scarier. What about my perfect man? The one for me? Is he out there?

Guys think that I’m scary just because I’ve never been kissed and demand for the good things in life. Like not being cheated on or being tossed around like dirty laundry.

WOMEN should be treated better. Or better yet, PEOPLE SHOULD BE TREATED BETTER.

Is it wrong for me to say that?..

Hang on, I think I get the scary part. Heehee.

**
Calling people names and labels are for kids. But that’s not an excuse; no one has the right to call people nasty names. Also, it’s just wrong to judge people and perceive them as something that they’re not because they’re unsure of themselves.

Also, one must not continually bully people to feel good about them selves, who are you? Dee Dee? Angelica?

LIVE AND LET LIVE.
It’s as simple as that.

**
Finals in a week, so this might be my last entry for the next 2 weeks
Please pray for me.
ThanksJ
Enjoy the week and the Christmas Month! Aloha!

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highschool life oh my highschool life

Over the weekend, I was given the chance to hang out with my highschool friends. Now I no longer see them as my batchmates, instead I see them as friends.. period

With the drama that has been my life (people just never stop huh?) its refreshing to have something to fall back on. I must admit, I haven’t kept in touch in as much as I would want to, but when I’m with them, it’s as if we all still go to the same school.

Being with them reminded me of the person I used to be and not the negative one, but the child full of hope.

It also awakened old crushes and old flames that were never resolved, but that isn’t really the point.

The point is, I was happy. For the first time in weeks, I was content and not worried at all. It was just like life before I stepped into the real world.

Imperfectley perfect or something along the same lines.

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still infatuated *points down*

I have to be more serious with my spanish.. I cannot for the life of me understand what they’re saying about him. So much for my stalking days. Don’t you think he looks like a rockstar? 🙂

Blame this infatuation on the years of my grandmother’s watching of Telenovelas.. What’s the name of that guy from Thalia? This is probably his influence.

But he’s cuter *points up*
***
KARLA DID YOU GET MY RECENT EMAIL? THE STUPID YAHOO MAIL IS GOING BONKERS ON ME. I HAVE TO GET OF.. I WILL EMAIL YOU TOMORROW. LOVE AND MISS YOU:)

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the heart of a champion


Manny Pacquiao won again today. I must admit prior to the fight, I didn’t want him to win (okay, Pinoys all over the world, kick me now). Blame this on all of the bad publicity that he bombarded the papers in te past weeks. Also, I hate the fact that he denied his other child, but then again, that is none of my business.
The other reason that I didn’t want him to win may also be due to the fact that Erik Morales is just so CUTE AND HOT. *drool drool drool* Also, I have this thing with arrogant people (allegedly). Also, I cringe at the sight of anyone getting hurt physically or emotionally or verbally.
But I must admit that after “the people’s champ” won, all my prejudiced about him changed (except of course my admiration for El Terrible and his lovely accent haha). What I saw in Pacman after winning was beyond admirable,it was breathtaking. I had tears in my eyes when I saw him hug Morales after the fight and when I heard what he prayed for before the fight (that none of them would get hurt).
All my negative connotations about him changed in an instant. He was a true champion at heart. Humility is the true virtue of champions.
The camaradire of the Filipinos every time Manny Pacquiao has a fight never ceases to amaze me. I wish that we’d have that kind of togetherness even if Manny is not knocking someone else down (especially a cute one).
So Congratulations Pacman:) And Erik, you have stolen my heart. haHaha:)