It’s quite simple:
“Before completely loosing to yourself to whatever that is that you found. Love yourself first. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve this magnificent gift given to you. After that everything else will follow “
tictoc
What’s so good about being numbed?
The strange realization that I am void of all human emotions came to me two mornings ago while I was listening to magic 89.9 and trying to get some work done.
Two hours into listening, I’ve come to grasp that I have not yet squealed over a single song!
Two hours into listening, I’ve come to grasp that I have not yet squealed over a single song!
Not one song and for a girl who relates life’s every single detail to a song, that’s proven to be a major thing.
That’s scary. That and the fact that I have stopped raking in as much blog entries as I used to, I know this is just some phase and I uniquely call it my “blank” phase. However, as I unravel the Pandora’s Box accompanying this said phase, I come across another word, “numbed”.
Strangely enough, they coincide with one another.
For all of you text fanatics out there, you probably read this quote that said something along the lines of “having a heart that’s whole but numbed or a heart that’s broken but real”
Who knew that these little musings could apply to real life, as sugarcoated and “emo” as they may seem.
You see for the past 12 months of my life, I have been consumed by all the emotions a person could possibly feel, which makes it understandable as to why I chose to close off my ability to feel any extreme emotions for awhile.
Yes, I haven’t been exceptionally emotional lately but I also found life way too boring.
I’m also not the type of person who finds amusement in ruining things that are stable and okay and I don’t think my heart’s ready to face yet another set of challenges but I think I’m ready to get on the rollercoaster again, only this time, I’d be holding on to the handrails tighter and put on my seatbelt with more caution.
Metaphorically speaking, it’s like I’ve been standing in the long line to get to the rollercoaster, but instead of wanting the line to speed up, I allow other people to cut through the line thus prolonging my “wait.
In as much as I have made other people happy by focusing on them first, I found no adventures to write about.
I’m stepping out of this zone that I’ve put myself in, it’s time to dance to life’s music again.
And to answer the quote’s question, I would just like to say that being numbed is not, in any more delightful than having a “real” heart. It’s safe. I haven’t bawled my eyes out in awhile. It’s good.
However, experiencing something and getting through it is just damn more exciting!
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I may be on blog break for awhile considering that I have finals in less than two weeks! So please pray for me! For those of you who are taking their finals soon too, God Bless!:)
Enjoy the rest of the week guys!
The ten things I want to answer if I were an actor!
*Inspired by James Lipton, the host of Inside the Actor’s Studio. It’s been a dream of mine to answer these, so just give me a break. Heehee🙂 Besides it’s fun to daydream every once in awhile, why don’t you try?:)
***
1) What is your favorite word?
Hope
2) What is your least favorite word?
Poverty
3) What turns you on?
Confidence and Positivity.
4) What turns you off?
Arrogance and Greed.
5) What sound or noise do you love?
Children’s Laughter
6) What sound or noise do you hate?
The cry of suffering
7) What is your favorite curse word?
Hehe. Fudge. *wink*
8) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Pediatrician or Surgeon
9) What profession would you not like to do?
Special Victims Unit Investigator. I cannot fathom all the senseless killings.
10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you enter the pearly gates?
“You did well, Kid. Welcome Home”
More honest than the one I posted on friendster
ten really random facts about you
1. I watch cartoons like there’s no tomorrow
2. I hardly wear makeup.
3. The circles under my eyes are not brought about by “unnatural” sources, it’s just the way it is. 4. I love thinking about really nonsense things.
5. I overanaylze too much it should be a sin.
6. I cannot stay away from chocolates for too long.
7. I love basketball but cannot play it to save my life
8. I wear black all the time but no, i’m not emo, depressed or a part of a cult. I just like wearing it.
9. I’m not difficult. I’m the easiest person to get along with:)
10. I love anything mushy, cheesy or sentimental
nine ways to win my heart
1. Be Hygienic
2. Have an opinion and don’t be afraid to say them
3. Please stop playing games with me!! It gets OLD!
4. Be Honest
5. Be a cowboy/ down-to-earth. I cannot deal with arrogance. I’m sorry.
6. Make me laugh and laugh at my corniest jokes
7. be smart: know what you want in life and follow through
8. surprise me
9. love your mom and sister/s
eight things i carry/wear every day:aside from the undergarments, malamang
1. watch
2. ruby ring (i’ve had it on forever!)
3. cell(duh)
4. ipod
5. my Bible
7. bottled water or at least my reliable mug
8. off lotion! (haha:)
seven things that annoy me
1. people who can go on and on about: the party last night, who got wasted, who was wearing what blah blah blah
2. people who try to hard
3. professors who don’t teach
4. people who don’t reply (hahaha!)
5. dirty bathrooms;p
6. not having coffee in my life:(
7. people who talk sh*t about other people to feel good about themselves
six movies i’d watch all over again:
1. finding neverland
2. never been kissed
3. princess diaries one
4. the departed
5. sixteen candles
6. my bestfriend’s wedding
five things i want to do before i die
1. visit Africa and do something to improve it
2. Go to Ireland!
3. Have a succesful career
4. skydive
5. fall in love
four things i’m afraid of
1. LIZARDS. Erk.
2. Loosing anyone
3. heights (heeheee)
4. ******
three things i do every day
1. sleep
2. eat
3. watch TV (haahaa)
two things i’m trying not to do now.
1. eat
2. laugh out loud since I am alone in the library and laughing out loud would brand me as a lunatic. It’s difficult, good times with mo is extra funny today.
one person you want to see right now
1. chris howell. HAHAHAHA:)
-BLANK-
“Expectation is a powerful, attractive force. Expect the things you want in life and don’t expect the things that you don’t want” -The Secret, Rhonda Byrne
Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open. -John Barrymore
Have you ever been in one of those moments wherein you don’t feel anything at all?
There are possibly a million and one thoughts running through your head but you don’t even bother to pick them apart, you just let them swim in your head and wonder if you could get rid of them if you do nothing.
That’s the exact phase that I’m in now. I’m not searching for anything and my heart’s at rest. No hammering, no nothing.
I bet there are worries lurking around somewhere but I just simply let them be. I don’t overanaylze (inasmuch as a part of my brain really wants to).
Maybe, it’s because I have so much to do and I don’t know where to start.
That’s how I view my life, clipping the edges so I’d get things done.
