Oh Heart


It’s been awhile since I wrote about a cheesy blog entry because aside from my Ted Mosby/Nathan Scott/Mike Chang moments I haven’t really had anything exciting happen to me in that area and I’m not complaining really.

However there are days when I realize that I’m not a robot although I try do try my very best to be one.

It must be good to be with the person you want to be with. The one who makes you want to sing silly songs and the one whose face you want to see in the morning. The person who would be proud enough to walk up to me in a crowd and hold my hand.

Sometimes I think I’ve written so many standards and find too many insignificant faults in order to erect walls tall enough to keep everyone away.

I make excuses, run away at the first exit and although I am not proud of this– find a lame excuse riddled in self-pity (ie: not pretty enough or not cool enough) in order to avoid commitment or further pain.

But on days like this one I simply take away the blinders and wonder if the moments that take your breath away are also worth some of the tears along the way.

That maybe it isn’t about lists or perfection but how you feel when you see that person or how spending an entire day doing absolutely nothing becomes magical.

I’m too cynical to understand it now but maybe one day it will all make sense and I’ll meet my own Ted Mosby who will love me enough to convince me to throw the sometimes stupid list away.

Maybe the butterflies will come alive, the songs will finally be suitable and maybe Adele will finally be played less and the goofy grin be difficult to erase.

Maybe I’m not going end up alone after all and maybe just maybe like Summer “I’m going to know what I never knew with everyone else.”