what’s so perfect about being lonely?


a few weeks ago, i was telling myself that being alone is perfectly fine.

that i could actually enjoy being alone while watching a really good TV series or being consumed by a new book.

however, this weekend it’s different.

this weekend, i feel like i’m in high school again and my friends are driving away to town center while i stay at home drooling over Clark Kent (hang on… this is  still my reality).

and i don’t like it one bit.

i want to be able to be content where i am because this is where God wants me to be and yet… here i am, feeling a little sad about the frayed edges of my life.

i guess aside from loneliness, there’s also a bit of guilt mixed in because ever since I completely surrendered to the Potter, the number one thing i’ve been battling with is being content with who He created me to be and with who He wants me to be.

i know that God doesn’t waste moments of our lives which is why I want to make the most out of this season of my life because i know nothing is without a purpose.

and yet, my human instincts kick in and here i am again– faced with discontent simply because my life isn’t where I want it to be yet.

this could also mean that i’ve been spending so much time worrying about me and what I want that i keep forgetting about what God wants for me– which is forgetting myself (thyself seems to sound more appropriate)  completely and live my life according to what He has planned for me.

it seems like a great and wonderful plan until i get sidetracked but what seems important at a particular time (then forget about it right away).

i’m just thankful that God loves me with more consistency and i’m thankful that He loves me no matter how many times i trip, stumble or complain.

so grateful that God loves me so much that even though not giving me something may cause temporary tantrums, He makes sure i understand that there are some things that He doesn’t give me because it will mess up His perfect plan for my life.

and i know that His love for me is the same even on my loneliest days and all I have to do is look up and I will be filled again in ways that a trip to town center never can.