Last night before going to bed I only had one prayer, for me to be able to wake up and be okay again.
Without boring you with the details (and also because I rarely let people know what’s wrong), I just had a transformative week. It was the kind of week that makes you question who you are, what you believe in, and if life is even worth living. It’s safe to say, I had a dramatic week and in a week (actually in about five months), the things I feared the most happened. And guess what, I’m still standing.
And when I woke up this morning, God gave me a strong sense of healing and clarity and instantly, I knew that I would be okay. It even went as far as being happy for this person and wishing this person well. It also gave me a strong sense of self-love, accepting that sometimes on the way of becoming a better version of me, I would have to hurt people, though unintentionally.
It would have been easy to just take it and mask it as unconditional love, but love also means letting people see their behavior for what it is. For once in my life, I refused to be the doormat and while it temporarily broke me, it also made me see myself in an entirely new dimension. No more proving myself to be worthy and no more bending over backwards for someone who won’t even cross a small bridge to get to me.
I tried that and it was good for a time, but once it reaches a point of resentment, there’s nothing better to do than to let go. We can love people from a distance and wish them well, but for them to constantly take advantage of you is damaging to your soul and must be let go of. You were not meant to be hidden or ashamed of, even if you two are just friends or more than friends. Be with someone who treats you like a decent human being. And also, life is not about constantly taking, it’s always a process of give and take.
More than anything, I prayed to have the ability to forgive and to let go of how the situation should have been. So now that it’s over, without having to explain anything, it’s time to move forward.
Only great things are ahead.