Four days before I turn 33 and I am spending the last fifteen minutes of my lunch break scrubbing poop stains from my son’s high chair. My days as of late consist of starting my day at 5 am, “going” to work in our creative room / baby room / workout space, meet deadlines, and most importantly, care for my seven month old in between. It’s safe to say that life has steadily moved away from what it used to be but now that I think about it, other than poop stains, Yumi jars, bottles, and still the occasional 2 am wake up times (very rare), life is the same.
It’s quiet and busy – busy not just with work but with hobbies that fill the spaces. My hobbies these days are different – I have turned the mundane into hobbies and you know that’s what life really is all about – taking what you have at the moment and making the most of what it is.
Right now our lives consist mainly with activities that surround our little one but as new parents, we don’t feel trapped or surprised by new routines or the occasional poop -spolosions around lunch time. We’re also rarely rattled by having to put calls on hold while the baby cries or hide in the bathroom when he’s still crying after you have fed him. These things do not rattle us because despite the inconsistency of the schedules of new parents, my husband and I have developed flexibility and live mainly on instinct. It’s a fun way to live and once you understand it, a routine develops despite the surprises in between.
The baby, work, and making sure the house is clean and organized takes up about 90% of the time with the rest of the 10% dedicated to using my Peloton. This doesn’t give me enough time for anything else except for The Nanny – 20 minutes pockets of me time before sleeping at 7:30, 8 PM the latest. I love this schedule because my Type A personality thrives on this kind of schedule and pretty much doesn’t leave me any room for anything else other than the current priorities in my life. Yet, despite the best intentions – chaos still ensues as it often does. But as my dad always says, welcome it because it means you’re still alive. It also gives me the opportunity to practice what I’ve been learning and while it may not kick in right away, after facing the initial shock and after spending time just sitting with it and allowing yourself to fully feel it, you find yourself just appreciating the lessons, some of which I am sharing here.
Trust your gut.
I say this over and over again and when I say it it’s because I want to remind myself of this truth. Energy is absolutely everything – when you feel something off in your gut, for cripe’s sake, follow it! Don’t justify to do otherwise but just go after your feeling and run with it. Seek guidance through prayer and God will lead the way.
People are allowed to have opinions about you the same way that you are allowed to have opinions about others.
The Filipino culture have a lot of wonderful things about it and I appreciate it for all the wonderful things it is but one thing I’ve noticed is this – you are not allowed to have an opinion other than positive because if you do, you are the worst Bruha in the world. For years I have been ostracized for saying the truth or at least my truth and have been plagued to fit in to please, as a recovering people pleaser, I still fall into the cracks but my biggest mistake is often a result of not trusting my instinct and when I finally do, it’s too late and I’m in too deep. For months I’ve been burdened because of the lack of freedom in expressing what I want to say and for being punished when I speak the truth and for awhile, I wanted people to see my side because isn’t that worth something? But then I realized that people are allowed to have opinions about me even if it is farthest from my truth but at the same time, I also allowed to speak my truth and must not allowed myself to be controlled by other people’s thoughts or opinions. As a recovering people pleaser, I have often been caught in crossfire because I am easily swayed by other’s opinions – I speak too much and too soon without fully internalizing other people’s intentions.
Everything is an illusion and in the grand scheme of character opinions – there is no black, no white, only grey. Who is good to one may be bad to another so what is the purpose of labeling people based on only 30% of their actions that I witness? Our lives are tinted by our own perceptions that are shaped by personal experiences. There is no way for me to know truly what is in the heart of another but I can only pray that from here on, God and my angels will guide me to those who share the same values as me.
“Those who mind don’t matter and those matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss
This is a quote I lived by when I was in high school, however, I seemed to have forgotten about it when I got older. Still related to the point above – I have come to realize that my real friends do not need any explanation while those who have made up their minds about not liking me will always find a way to not like me so what is the point of explaining myself? I wrestled with this for the longest time but now I finally taste freedom – you can say whatever you want about me because a) that is your opinion and I honor it and b) those who are meant to be part of my life know my heart and will stick by me no matter what.
“For what it is to gain the world but lose your soul?” – Mark 8:36
I am thankful and grateful for the abundance in my life but I know myself enough to know that I, personally, will never sabotage another to gain the fame and riches that this world has to offer. I have always believed that if God intends for you to have something, you will have it with ease. What’s meant to be yours is not won by desperation, scheming, or manipulating. I respect people who choose that route because again they must be driven by their own experiences and that is okay because ultimately, I know and trust that God will never allow anything to harm me and at the end of the day, I am still divinely protected.
Life is beautiful – it is not perfect but if we allow ourselves to fully experience all of it, including the most painful parts, we learn to appreciate it truly for what it is – a wonderful adventure with many lessons. Cheers!
