My favorite cousin, Izrael, died in his sleep last Friday. To this day, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. My cousin, who loved life, and was generous to a fault passed away at 28.

I went ahead with the day’s tasks but at the back of my mind, memories of Izrael was flooding in my mind.

He loved life. He was gregarious about the beauty of life. He was passionate. And yet, he also had his moments of sadness and frustration. But he trucked along – truck, truck, truck. You never saw him sitting still, wondering about whether he should or not – he just did. 

And just like deaths do, it rattled me. It disarmed me and last night, I found myself overwhelmed with emotions, clinging on to my husband for dear life. My cousin was dead.

And I knew he was in a better place than all of us. But that doesn’t take away the grief – death sucks and the devil can just kick it. It was like I was living in the world of simply getting by but today, with a jolt, I woke up with a stuffy nose (my body welcoming Fall) and I was awakened.

I am only 29. Though life has made me feel older, I still have so much ahead and I can’t give up. El would have told me to keep trucking, like he did.

Grief is overwhelming but it is also life altering.

Truck, truck, truck.

I love you, El. Rest easy in Heaven.