“You’re a writer Dawson, you get to live life twice. You’re the only one who could do that,” -Joey Potter, Dawson’s Creek
“When you find love, don’t run away from it. Don’t chase it either. Just be patient, it will come. I promise you, it will come,” -Jen Lindley, Dawson’s Creek
I was watching a Dawson’s Creek rerun last Tuesday. I know its so weird for me to relate what’s been going on with my life to a TV show, but I simply couldn’t help it, that’s part of who I am. Anyway, the episode was the series finale and I couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. College is fun and I’ve met new people but still highschool’s different. I feel as if my life’s been too fast paced and I don’t get to just sit down and savor each moment.
Another thing I’ve been thinking about lately is that “significant” side of love. (Blame it on the whole pacey-joey-dawson triangle, ahehehe). I don’t know why though. I thought i’m over the whole infatuation thing. I thought I could just go on with my life without ever having to, you know, admire “people” in that “sense”. It confuses and throws my perfectly planned schedule off the table.
Fear creeps in once again. I’ve been rejected before and I know, despite how much I want to steer away from it, it can happen again. Rejection in one way or another, cripples me.
It stops me from being able to love freely and take love. Most people in the world feel that they don’t deserve love because they feel that they’re not good enough. I am one of those people.
Fear has supported my conviction to wait. With waiting, patience may be annoying but at least it doesn’t HURT.
I believe the Lord has that one person out there for me. So why go through all the trouble? I may have the answer to that. Love feels good. But feeling may not always be enough. I don’t have to run away or chase cause whether I like it or not, its going to come. At the Lord’s perfect time.
Another thought comes to mind. Arvin has asked me a million times before if there is such a thing as destiny, then why are there people alone? I’ve finally got an answer and I don’t care whether its wrong or not.
Maybe its because there are people who choose to live thier lives without ever having to place thier trust in the Lord. You see, that’s a problem because if we don’t place our trust in the Lord then how will we know who He has instore for us? I mean if the pencil doesn’t listen to the one holding it, how would it know what to write? Sooner or later it will be scribbling nonsense things… I guess you get my point.
So, I guess I don’t have to be afraid… But then again, what if I can’t get over this whole fear thing? What happens to me then?