Back to my Wonderland


(This is actually an old entry. I got it from my first blog but since I enjoyed reading it so much, im posting it again.hehe)
” I was always looking outside myself for strengh and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time” Jean Nidetch

Innocence truly is bliss. This can be proven by my one digit year old cousins. I have spent the entire day with them (well, not couting the morning since I worked out..harharhar..Btw, if you encounter any wrong spellings/grammars, please excuse me…I’m very tired right now but I have this yearning to write about today’s events..Thanks) and felt myself relishing the dreams/experiences of my childhood. For the past months I have been super busy with exams, college applications, my lovelife and just worrying about the future that I have forgotten how it was like to be just like a child and simply take each day as it comes. The responsibilties do not take away my right to be happy and enjoy life. The day felt like being transported back in time just like they do on those cheesy TV shows about the ghost of christmast past. I have learned lessons today…Just like on those TV shows! hahaha!:) My nine year old cousin Jopat reminded me of how as a kid like himself I have dreamed of my that “perfect” love and how I have waited (still waiting) for my own fairy tale to unfold. He was sharing to me and my younger brother about his girlfriend- he was having one for the very first time. Of course he is too young to know about what a real relationship is like, but the excitement in his eyes are just purely overwhelming. It reminded me of the days wherein “love” was simple and was based on nothing but what your heart says. It need not be just has to be real. My cynical self wanted to scold him and tell him that he was too young for such things but I decided against it (believe it or not). If I did scold him, my cousin would probably see me as the witch who burst his bubble. Love- no mastter what form is always new and exciting, especially for those like my cousin. I was plunged back into what love is all about, my cuosin in a way reminded me of myself…My nine year old self who believed that love could truly conquer all. I’m sixteen now and I know better, but still I realized that I should not be cynical about love. Imagine, my nine year old cousin making me realize what my teenage friends wanted to get through my thick headed skull for the longest time! Another unlikely person who taught me a lesson was my three year old cousin Cholo. Exauhsted from the week that has passed, I fell asleep in my grandmother’s room and was awakened by three year old Cholo who barged in while shouting, “masakit!” Since Cholo is my favorite kid in the world, I woke up worried that something must have happened to him. I was surprised to see that he was smiling while pointing at his bruised knee. I got out of my sleepy state and asked him to retell the story, all he said was, “Dulas ako! Cholo dulas pero di iyak! Kaw baka dulas ka din!” He said this with the cutest grin and I got teary eyed, little did this angel know that I had my fair share of “dulas”. He showed me that when your a kid its okay to trip, get bruised…Even if you got hurt, you still have all this energy left to play again- to try again. Something I failed at doing after tripping. While I was getting teary eyed Cholo was too busy playing with my phone and shouting, “Smile si Cholo, ate. Smile si Cholo” as if nothing happened. You go Cholo, get up after tripping and smile while retelling the tale! My grandmother in her own subtle way reminded me that to her and to all my other grandmothers and elders,I’d always be that little kid who for fun enjoyed changing her name! (FYI: When I was a kid, I wanted to be named after the girl who was currently my idol. These names changed from time to time, if you failed to call me that certain name I wouldn’t speak to you. And yes for awhile I was called Cher from Clueless..haha) I was too busy doing my thesis (this was after Cholo dragged me out of the room) when she asked me to sing. Yes, sing! I know I sing any chance I get but still this was different…Hello..infront of all my realtives…not a good idea. So I said that no,i don’t sing but thank you. Eventually, I gave in. Know why? Well, it was because of that look on her face that reminded me so much of me as a kid dancing and acting infront of them. I saw how proud she was of her “not so grown” granddaughter. I sang and the whole time I was singing, she asked what I was so shy about, I had a voice. Hahaha…It made me happy to see her happy…but no, i didn’t sing the second time..hehehe:) What was supposed to be just another day with the relatives turned out to be one of the greatest days that the Lord has planned for me. He made me realize that there are a million things I should be thankful for,that I should stop worrying. That I should give myself a break- the storms have passed. I finally found me. Thank You Lord for turning the ugliest scenarios into life changing experiences. I am finally me. The Drama Queen. The Jester. Blooper Girl. The Kid. Bianca. Carla. Bia. Whatever. The cheesiest person ever. The Frustrated Romantic. Ohwell…’till my next misadventures. ta-ta