I know what you’re doing right now.
I know that you are in the middle of a meeting in the office of a boss you probably dislike.
I also know what you’re doodling about, you’re doodling your name plus the name of the guy you think you would eventually marry.
Well here’s the deal, your 22 year old self finally met him.
Only, I’m sorry to disappoint you, it’s not that much of a big deal.
Yes, your 22 year old self still has bits of you stuck in her somewhere so she tried. She tried to feel that irrelevant spark and she waited.
To keep your dream alive, your 22 year old self waited for him to call, to email, to follow you on twitter (it’s a cool thing that happens when you’re 21) or to add you on facebook (it’s actually still very cool).
But deep down, your 22 year old self, who has been made wiser by Him, realized that this dream boy of yours (how do you come up with these things anyway? do you know how stupid you are?!) is not His best.
And I know you think He is God’s best because he’s a) good looking b) he would totally kick your ex’s ( no more labels, you loved this smurf so we’re calling him that) arse to the curve, especially when he sees your future profile picture together and when that little box on facebook finally says “in a relationship with” (actually facebook looks different now but whatever).
Well guess what little one, I don’t think it’s happening anytime soon.
And this time around it’s not because he rejected you, but because this time around, you realized that you are worthy to be pursued whatever the circumstances are.
I also know what you’re doing now. You are probably giving me the look of death and you probably want to smack me in the head, well here’s news for you, I want to smack you in the head because for years you’ve been foolish enough to decide who you think is best for you.
Well for the past 10 years, you’ve been wrong at each attempt that you have tried so far.
Stop this obsession with Jake Ryan, he is not real.
And also stop thinking that someone’s good looks and popularity is enough to save your insecure butt (yes, I called you insecure, you should have woken up years ago).
But you know, despite all that I have said to you in this email to the past, I’m still grateful that you went through all the things you went through (again, most of them STUPID) because it’s because of your mistakes that I am where I am now.
The stupid choices you have made have led you to seek for something better, it has pushed you to depend on someone higher than yourself.
It’s not a boyfriend (again, your stupidity amazes me).
You’ve found your solid rock. And He is not letting you go.
I hope you appreciate that. I hope you know how much He loves you. He is all you need.
But why am i telling you this? in two years’ time, you would understand where all of this is coming from.
hang in there.
things will get better.
love,
your 22 year old self.
PS:
I’m pretty sure our 24 year old self will kick both our arses, but until then, I get to do it okay?
