It is no secret that priorities change when you’re 28 years old and married.
When I was young and unattached, my life was more about me and what I wanted and less about other people. It was all about curating my social media accounts, running from one meeting to another in my high heels, and just creating a filter perfect life. I don’t know what it was about being single that made me want to create a perfect life for myself – image wise. I spent hours on social media in an attempt to look cute and in doing so, I also spent a good deal of time comparing my life’s to another.
However, when I tied the knot a good ten months ago, it was like I was sucked into a hole of couple-ness. Suddenly, I wasn’t spending every waking moment curating my feed or posting selfies. Instead, I was swooped into a world of adulting and spending time with my husband. Because of that, I haven’t spent a good deal of time weaving my way through the internet and that is actually a good thing.
For once, I was consumed with living instead of pretending to live but of course life, as it always does, revolved again and this morning, I found myself mindlessly going through curated feeds (they just get better every year!) in awe of everyone’s lives but my own. Here I was in the middle of the world’s greatest cities and I found myself wanting to be somewhere else or rather, someone else.
It’s so easy isn’t it? It’s so easy to sit with our phones and just compare our lives with another. In the middle of the mess that is our everyday normal, we tend to let the side people want us to see affect our own behind the scenes. We forget that they too have their own chaos to deal with and just like us, they are simply trying to win the battle that is called life.
So in the middle of comparing myself to the models of Instagram, I finally had the sense to stop myself and just be thankful. I was thankful for my husband, my family, and health. I was thankful for the sacrifices my husband has done so far and so thankful at how gracious God has been through all of it.
It also made me realize just how full life is although it may seem like a routine. Now as a Mrs. my life has depth in a sense that it wasn’t all about my selfies anymore. I had this person who was relying on me and I was now part of the team. Now life wasn’t just about looking pretty and meeting a deadline. It was actually building a life while not losing a sense of who I was. It’s an on-going process and I am a rookie still learning the ropes.
And in the short time that I have moved from miss to mrs, here are few things I have learned.
- Life doesn’t magically change once married.
I know I know you’ve heard this before but let me say it again, life doesn’t magically change when you’re married. Yes you earn a best friend, you have someone who will be there 24/7, and someone who loves you unconditionally BUT it doesn’t mean that life is suddenly perfect when you’re married. You would still have to water your own grass and that takes work. Life isn’t like the movies, much to my dismay, but you can definitely
- You still get lonely.
Yes you heard that right, you can be a in a healthy marriage and still feel lonely at times and that’s because there’s a huge part of us that only God can fill. So on days when I am on running empty and on the verge of being sungit towards my husband, I have learned to retreat to my own space and pray, for it is only truly God who can make us feel complete, regardless of our relationship status.
- “You” takes a backseat.
I have never had a long term relationship prior to meeting and marrying my husband. So you can see that for about 27 years, I was running high on me only zone. So imagine the shock of my quite young life when I had to turn over parts of my life to my husband in an effort of “sharing our lives”. So that means that everything is on the table and instead of thinking of “I, my, mine, and me” you begin thinking of “ours, us, and we”. It was quite a difficult concept for me to grasp but my husband would be the first to tell you that I am getting there.
- .. However “me” shouldn’t be compromised.
Yes you love your husband and yes you want to be the best wife ever. These things are essential in making your marriage a success. However, it is important to note that it shouldn’t be just about your spouse or your children. With God’s guidance, it’s critical for one to not neglect one’s self. You still have to love yourself, create a future that makes your heart skip a beat, and live your life for you. Don’t scrimp on yourself. Don’t lose who you are. Make it a point to keep loving and bettering yourself because that’s how you keep the fire alive in your marriage.
- And lastly, put God first.
I have the tendency to want to do it all but of course that is farther from God’s truth. Everyday, I have to find the time to seek God, listen to Him, and ultimately let Him lead me to the wife He wants me to be. Safe to say, this season of my life has been about surrendering who I used to be to give way to this new season. Just like any other new season, it wasn’t easy but with God’s grace, it was surely worth the pain.