Today, I finally had the chance to sit down and think of how much has changed in the past month and I couldn’t even begin to marvel at how good the Lord has been to me.
I’ve always been afraid of change. I’ve always stuck to my routine because I wanted things to stay the same way that they have always been. I didn’t like change. I didn’t like plans to be rearranged at the last minute and neither did I want them to push through with glitches, even minor ones.
I guess it’s safe to say that I was living under the protection of one big bubble that I referred to as “perfection.”
Now, I hate that term more than anything. As the book Being Perfect said, “Perfection torments those who are and those who can never be”
I’ve become more relaxed ever since I stepped out of college. My dad attributes this to me being free from the rigid and competitive world of college but I beg to differ, I guess this is me being free from my rigid self.
It was never the environment. It had something to do with who I used to be.
I guess this is connected to my “thoughts on people” survey in a way. So if you hardly understand my jabber, please refer to that entry. hehe;)
I’m freer now because finally I’m letting things be and I haven’t been as scared as I used to be.
This is evident especially in specific parts of my life that I’d rather not touch on yet, but I guess it’s safe to say that I am finally finally taking risks. I’m finally feeling things rather than overanalyzing them to an extent!
In the past two months, I have learned to become less emotional and less expectant. Instead of planning what I should be doing every five minutes, I just finally learned to just let it go.
Prayer has been my number one armor and I’ve realized the only thing I’d ever need. As long as HE’S in me then I believe that the rest would follow.
I can’t wait for November to start because from here, things could only get better.