Facebook has a way of reminding us of the past.
The on this day feature is both a blessing and a curse. It’s ironic how it works – as a famous TV writer once wrote, it is the happy moments that make us sad and the sad ones we revel in because we overcame them.
If you have been a visitor of this site (why, thank you!), you may have heard this a million times from me: what a year it has been!
Major changes, relocations, and career shifts has led me to a different 2017 than what I have expected.
I look at myself in the mirror and see a calm girl who has more depth. My problems through the years now seem like tiny degrees of whining. The world doesn’t revolve around me anymore. But that doesn’t mean I have forgotten about self care of self actualization (what would Mia say?). Instead, I have put those two things on top of the priority list.
In the year where I have joined with another, I have strangely found myself. Taking me out of an environment that I was so used to has allowed me to discover who I am or develop into someone I always thought I could be.
My 20s were filled with people pleasing – whether it was friends, family, bosses, workmates, my very little online audience, and society in general. I was always so rigid and guarded. I did not want to miss a step, I wanted my hair perfectly in place, my work nothing short of excellent, and my taste in men approved by everyone but me.
My life turned upside down and it has led to a year of discovery. Discovering what I like, what I aspire to be without voices commanding what they should be, and the power of saying no.
To live freely and to cut off connections that were both controlling and toxic led me to realize two things: it’s okay to say no and it’s okay to not like things (and / or people). It’s okay to not keep in touch. It’s okay to retreat in my shell. And it’s okay to be silent, opinionated, and proud of the life I have been built with my husband.
It’s okay to discover God on my own terms, He loves me through the journey I am taking though it is not conventional. My faith doesn’t have to scream in order to be real and I do not need a radical lifestyle change to consider myself blessed. I can be doing mundane things like walking to the bus or folding laundry and still discover God there.
It’s okay to reconnect with people who you have had rifts with, the same way it is okay to cut off people who were there. Seasons in life require different characters. We are blessed to have consistent characters in all seasons but that doesn’t make us less of a person if a friendship ends.
It’s okay to not “achieve” for once. Achievement can mean different things for other people. For so long the work has defined me, this has been the biggest break up of my life, and yet to not be defined by metrics has been my life’s greatest source of my freedom.
God will get me to where He has planned in His time. To be grateful for where I am now is my life’s biggest achievement today. Tomorrow it could be different, tomorrow I can be saving the world, but tonight I am happy with just saving me.
Sometimes we rob ourselves of celebrating our own journeys because we look to our left and right and see that their victories are more than I could ever achieve.
I keep forgetting that my own tale is enough to keep me preoccupied. To run this race, I need to wear blinders, like champion horses. I rejoice with those who rejoice and I weep with those who weep but I dare not compare my journey to another. I’ve been doing that for so long – I need to give my heart a break.
I am grateful for birth of new dreams or maybe an awakening of what I have always dreamt to be – before the fairytales, the likes, and the followers. Los Angeles is beautiful because everyone is left to their own devices.
Sometimes I forget that I am no longer in the fish bowl called Manila. I can let my hair down with nobody caring. I can be me and though I am still discovering who me is, I am thankful that it’s not too late to be her.
The year has left me exhausted but there’s so many more mornings to look forward to, so many memories to make, and so many laughter to be enjoyed.
God always promised that the best is ahead and though this year did not shout grand experiences, it was filled with little milestones. All of which are monumental in taking away who I have been and leading to the discovery of my authentic self.
Thank God for multiple chances. And thank God that I am finally meeting me.