I often get ahead of myself.
In several ways, I tend to forget that my storytelling antics should be confined in my computer screen because in truth, that is the only place where I have control over how the other characters in the story feel or act.
But, I must admit, I am a “head in the clouds” kind of girl, which is why, I find it difficult to not get ahead of myself.
I absolutely adore daydreaming and often times, I get lost in my make believe world without realizing that just because I feel that something is right doesn’t mean that it is right or it is how others feel about me as well.
I believe that my notorious daydreaming streak has its advantages (definitely helped me in tremendous ways when stuck in bad traffic) but it also has its disadvantages. I often ask myself how many relationships of mine have failed just because they were not the way I expected them to be.
I also realized that I have watched way too much damsel in distress movies without realizing that I am not a damsel in distress, in fact I fooled myself into thinking that I am without realizing that I am actually okay on my own and I don’t need anyone to complete me (someone to compliment me, yes, but complete me, no) and it’s not completely fair for me to give someone else that responsibility.
I realized that I cannot tread through my life with crutches, with my crutches being people, and while it is true that we were born for relationships, we were not born to depend on them to make heal the hurt within us.
The only real healing balm is Jesus and unless we allow Him to heal us, we will always be defensive and afraid of people. Truth of the matter is, people will always hurt you, no matter how perfect they are and that is why you need Jesus every single day, because you need His strength in order to be able to forgive the unforgivable and love when you don’t feel it at all.
We don’t need anyone to save us simply because someone already did the most lavish saving anyone could offer 2,000 years ago and while it is tempting to fall head over heels and just allow our world to revolve on one person alone, it’s not healthy.
Believe me, I may have lost precious people in my life simply because I rushed and expected so much when all I should have done was give without expectation and wait for God to move.
It’s messy, it’s chaotic but I believe that Jesus thrives in our messes and thrives in making us whole again so allow him to do just that and in time, the right people, will come.