my defense mechanism


Want to know what’s totally crazy about me? Everytime I get hurt and/or rejected, it takes awhile for me to recover. What’s crazy about the whole thing is the fact that people around me hardly know it. Only the three people who live with me know how much I cry and how much time I spend in my room pretending to read. I said pretending because most of the time I’ve gone as far as two paragraphs before breaking down. It would take awhile for me to get out of it but people really don’t have to know that.

Thing is, when I’m really upset about something I tend to be MEAN. And you know what? That kills me. It kills me when I vent out my frustrations on unknowing people who simply made the mistake of talking to me on that day. This is so wrong since I should find other ways to vent, you know? Like boxing or karate. Something violent of that sort.

Well, let’s just say that I know how to vent my frustrations and obviously that is what I’m doing now. BUT, I don’t think its enough since I don’t really write down everything in graphic detail (I really don’t think I should haha). Tell me exactly, when did I ever write down how I’m really feeling?

So, there might be a problem there. I should learn how to let it all. Keyword being learn. I don’t think its enough that I spend the ENTIRE afternoon writing it down on my journal and crying all by myself. I hardly tell people how I feel because I know that they’d either get bored of me or think that my rantings aren’t worth anything so I shut up and just keep it all in.

Cause maybe..just maybe, I’m simply being my old plain dramaqueen self. So much for early retirement.