The Past.
We love throwing that word around, don’t we?
We can be very cocky about “the past” simply because we’ve been there, done that, been hurt by that, cried over that and fortunately, laughed over that as well.
We know how the story goes. Often, on our loneliest days we find ourselves uttering the words “I wish I could back to the past to change this and that”, it somehow gives us power simply because we know how a particular story ends.
Going back to the past really doesn’t speak of courage but rather of cowardice. Going back to the past simply because you can retrace the steps with your eyes closed is not an act of bravery but the last resort of a scared man.
We don’t know what’s in store for us in the future, which makes “the past” highly comfortable: we are familiar with certain people & places and refuse to move forward even if the doors of our past have all shut down refusing to be opened no matter how many times we have tried to knock it down.
The past is in the past for the reason. I used to be such a lover of analysing what has happened before and what I did wrong. Most of my daydreams consisted of different outcomes of “what if”, I got lost in a parallel universe where I stayed instead of saying goodbye. I have been a victim of staying too long on a chapter simply because it wasn’t scary and was eerily familiar.
Familiarity is a scary thing. Often we confuse our real happiness with people, places and events that are familiar simply because we are afraid to step into uncharted territories. While “the past” may hurt, we often say “at least the pain is something I already know.”
We often go back to relationships that have long passed its expiration date in the hopes of resurrecting something that once felt alive. Instead of allowing God to lead us to new definitions of “being alive” we stay constantly stuck in the euphoria of our past.
Most people spend their entire lives stuck on chapter one when they were meant to soar to greater heights in the next chapters, they keep forgetting that God always wishes to outdo Himself, therefore creating better chapters than before.
It is so convenient to go back to the past. It is so convenient to convince ourselves that our happiness is associated with the past, we never, not even once take the time to consider that maybe greater joys are ahead — greater than what we have experienced and asked to let go of.
I have been tempted way too many times to go back people simply because they have made so much sense in the past, but today, as I type out the words onto this blog entry, I begin to question myself as to why I would want to go back to something that has caused me so much grief and pain. Yes, there were joyous moments I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world, but the dark days that followed sometimes made me question the worth of those moments.
Should I go back to something familiar just because at one point in my life it has defined me? Should I go back to the person who has caused me so much pain just because at that time it made me feel secured and worthy (did i really?)?
Shouldn’t I just let go of what has been, and most importantly, the elusive what could have been and instead be grateful for the person that I am today? I should just realize that without the pain caused by the dark and mysterious “past”, I wouldn’t even be thinking of writing this blog entry.
The only way to enjoy life and to keep moving forward is by discarding what needs to be discarded and by accepting life for what it is today and what it was yesterday.
There are many questions we will never find the answers to and there are many “what ifs” that will never happen but it’s okay, because at the end of the day, it’s nice to see myself still standing despite the many different “rights” my life went to when all I wanted to do was to make it go “left”.
It is also safe to say that maybe the person that I am at 24 will no longer enjoy the person I was and the choices I made when I was 21. We are radically quite different from each other which means that I will probably no longer enjoy the things she enjoyed or love the things she loved.
Life is all about progress. If we are not moving forward, then what are we doing?
As I end this entry, I refuse to spend anymore time in the past or the people in it, not because I dislike them or carry around a negative energy towards them but only because spending way too much time in the past robs me of the present. It robs me of enjoying what I have right now and robs me of the joy that this moment could bring.
Also, I would like to just put it out there that when relationships end (whatever kind of relationship it may be because in all honesty, there are several facets of relationships that need to be tended to), we always have the embittered view that “we” have to be the better one. I have been enslaved by that thinking for so long but by the grace of God, I snapped out of it.
When relationships end, we no longer have to play the “who won” game. We no longer have to prove through our social networking sites (a popular avenue these days!) that we ended up with the better partner or the better body (eek!) but instead we should look at the people from our past and be glad that they have moved on and found happiness that would be impossible to find with each other.
Summer in 500 Days of Summer said (paraphrase), “we were right about a lot of things, but maybe we weren’t right about the person we were sharing it with”. Admit it, if you ended up with the person in your past, you would still be miserable today.
Let bygones be bygones and let your bygone be happy. There is no use to constantly look over your shoulder and say “ay, mas maganda ako!” or “mas gwapo ang boyfriend ko sayo!”, it just means that you are not truly over it and you are still trying to be just like that chick on Revenge. Revenge is exhausting and doesn’t do anyone any good.
By letting go of the games, you are allowing yourself to be happy. Look at that person and the person he (or she) is now sharing his life with with joy that at least he (or she!) found what he (or she!) never found in you.
It’s now time to be better.
Remember the broken road? God will only bless it if you allow Him to!
So get on the road girl (or guy!) and begin again!
