Question Marks


It has been awhile since I wrote a truly meaningful and personal blog entry. 

I have always felt that my personal adventures mean nothing unless they say something about the One in control of my life.

I believe that this entry is a bit of an intersection of both. 
Thing is, I’m a creature of habit and have not yet fully achieved a certain level of spontaneity. 
I am quite boring and have my obsessive compulsive tendencies in the sense that I want everything in its proper place. I also have this quirk (weird?) trait of always ordering the same thing from the same restaurant (but that’s changing- a bit?). Because of my sometimes psychopathic fear of the unknown, it does take awhile for me to leave the boat to try and see if I could walk on water.
And this can also be said about people. The most I can say about my life now without boring you with the details is this “God has quite the sense of humor.”

I find myself in the same spot I was running away from a good two years ago and I found myself dealing with the same things I thought I was healed from.
But then again, I realize that running away doesn’t solve anything.
So I’m guessing, though not quite sure, that this is a test to see how far I’ve come.
The truth is and I readily admit this is that it would be nice to run back to the familiar and the comfortable. Even if it’s not the best place for us and even if it hurts at times, we have the tendency to run back because no matter how painful it is, at least we’re aware of what pain to expect.

However, I don’t think that going back is God’s best.
Sometimes we are asked to go back to specific situations in our lives not so we could stay there and wallow but to see how far we’ve come by God’s grace.
And yes, there are questions, endless questions.
I don’t think I am meant to know the answers so it’s best to close the chapter with a period, despite the many question marks that travel across the pages.
It’s time to close the chapter of my life for good. 
A chapter that molded me to be better and I believe that if I continue to stay in this chapter it will turn me into a bitter woman who will never be ready for the great things God has for me in the future.
So, I choose to step out and possibly share more of my new (positive) adventures in this blog that has been with me since 2005! 
I’d like to believe that closing a chapter and a season in our lives truly depends on us. We have the control to say, “Tama na! This has been hurting me for so long, I can no longer allow it to fester any longer. Yes, I’ve been hurt and I didn’t have my happy ending, but it’s okay to leave it at that, because God will restore all that has been broken and replace all that has been lost.”

Letting go of this chapter may feel like a giant leap of faith, but maybe just maybe, it is the giant leap of faith that will allow me to finally, finally live the life of my dreams.

There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind. – CS Lewis

No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.” – Philippians 3:13