Psalm 139: 13-16 (MSG)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
i could count the number of times that i’ve been called unpretty.
ever since i was in second grade, i have always been the energetic child, the talkative child, the entertainer, best reader, book worm and so on, but never the beautiful one.
and up until a few years ago, it greatly bothered me that i was not beautiful simply because i was surrounded by siblings who were beyond beautiful that being in the same room with them was extremely intimidating. for years i was left saying that yes,, they are my siblings and that i simply did not make the cut in the mestiza department.
so eventhough i hid behind my books and wrote profusely in my journals, trying to be smart instead of beautiful because i’ve been told that i cannot be both, i still desired to become beautiful. i desired to become someone who was worthy of being loved.
i just believed that if i was beautiful enough, maybe one day i’d be the girl who can finally be invited to prom.
i’m about to turn 23 in a few days and i don’t think that i’d ever be that girl, but you know what it’s okay.
i’ll never be the girl that guys fall over for, i’d always be the tomboy who her guy friends use to get the prom queen, but you know it’s okay.
for awhile, it probably bothered me, but today as i write this, i think it’s one of those things that i’ve finally learned to let go of.
and don’t get me wrong, this is not a pity journal entry, because you know what, God created me and I do know that my Savior does not make mistakes nor does he produce “just good enough” creations, i believe that every single person walking on this planet is beautiful. i also believe that i’m awesome simply because my Heavenly Father is.
that i should really stop trying to become the prom queen because God has blessed me with people who love me simply because i’m me, that to some people my laughter is more important than my waist line and in a way, i’m sort of grateful that i didn’t grow up the beautiful one, simply because through those experiences of being looked that i gained compassion and empathy for others. that because i was not praised growing up, i learned to know how valuable it is to give people a sincere compliment.
it’s one of those things, the devil meant it for evil, but God turned it around for good.
i’ve also come to realize that being beautiful has nothing to do with the clothes i wear or the shape of my face, instead it has a lot to do with how much love i have in my heart, so these days, the days that i feel ugly is when i carry around an extra ounce of hatred in my heart. even with my comfiest, rattiest clothes, with messy hair and no make up on, i still feel beautiful because my heart is happy.
nothing can ever take the place of a happy heart, one that is secured in who God made you to be, one that knows that my God is the God who created both beauty and me, so there’s nothing to fear.
i never thought i’d reach this point of seeing everyone as beautiful. i’ve carried so much anger in my heart for so many years. there were so many years of darkness that light feels so good, light feels so good that i never want to go back.
and don’t get me wrong, there are still days that i still get called unpretty or unworthy, but it doesn’t move me as much, it stings but i’ve learned to shrug it off, because now I know who I belong to, who has my heart and what He has to say about me.
and you know, His approval of me, His love for me is more than enough.
so just in case you stumbled upon this entry and feeling not your best self, i hope you know that God created you to be beautiful and that He created you perfectly, quirks and all and He appreciates you for who you are and in the right time, He will send people who will appreciate you for who you are, no matter how flawed you are.
God’s love is more than enough to let you shine and in His time, when you meet the right person, it’s His light that will shine through you, it has nothing do with your superficial beauty or your clothes, it’s all about Jesus. Shine for Him. You have Jesus in your heart and He is all you need to be confident.
You are beautiful, don’t you dare forget that. No matter how many people have broken your heart or how many people have called you fat, you are beautiful.
Your heart makes you beautiful and i hope you are reminded every second of every day, because as we find our confidence in Him, we radiate in a way that only daughters of God can.