II’m turning the big 2-5 in less than a week and I find myself in a rather contemplative mood.
Months prior to turning 25, my life as cliche as it is underwent major changes. And while they are not big ones, they are quite monumental.
For someone as dramatic as I am, a career shift a month before turning 25 seems fitting. There are no words to explain how i feel about tge transition. And while I have long been known for vividly expressing my emotions over and over again, I take my speechlessness over the new chapter of my life as a good sign because I still naively believe that the best things in life can’t be contained on paper, I can try but words may fail in vividly expressing the emotions inside.
Long before the transition occurred, I came across Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. I usually devour books within days, but I’ve been on this one for months and I’m truly enjoying chewing up the pages slowly, making sure the lessons are relished and savored.
I never quite cared about happiness paying too much attention to the end result without realizing that the road to it was sad and forced. I foolishly believed that if I suffered through something, if deserve it more.
Reading the book at that particular time of my life felt like an epiphany. I realized that the relationships I had reflected the relationships I had with others reflected the one I had with myself. Prior to the eventful day in April, I woke up bored and sad. I knew I had to get off the path I was on but for the longest time was afraid to do so.
God is amazing in putting in situations where we have no other choice but surrender. A cheesy quote once said, “when you’re pushed to the edge that’s when you fly.”
It was a dark time but God led me to the light.
It was also then that I realized that I was tired of putting up walls out of the fear that people won’t love the flawed version of myself. I wanted clean relationships but those kinds aren’t real and love loves through the mess.
It’s extremely liberating to know the things I enjoy and the things I don’t. I no longer apologize for who I am and my dorky choices. I also stopped looking for validation- my happiness was dependent on me, no one else.
I also learned to take care of my happiness. I listen to myself more because it turns out the only way I can give more of myself was to stop being at war with me. Battling with myself only wasted my time while accepting certain realities gave me the courage to improve who I was.
I don’t know what 25 holds but i could only wish, hope, and declare that the new chapter of my life will be where I spend each day happy, where I love myself instead of loathing me and when my dreams finally come true.
This is only the beginning.