It’s a beautiful spring day in Los Angeles today and as I write those words, I couldn’t help but pinch myself because I am actually in Downtown Los Angeles and have been roaming around LA for about two months now.
It has also been two months since I hugged my family or even spent time listening to my dad’s cheesy music while I complain about how awful work is. One part of me relishes in the fact that I have so much free time in my hands without having to worry about deadlines or odd bosses but another part of me misses home. And by home, I don’t mean Manila, I mean home as in being with my brother and parents on a lazy Saturday while wondering if we should order pizza or not.
I am 28 years old and have never been apart from my parents except for this year. The transition has been quite difficult albeit a temporary one. For most people, I grew up sheltered and spoiled but to me, it was just another way of life. Being away from them, even for just a small amount of time, has made me grow more appreciative of them. My dad has always worked so hard in order to give my brother and I the best of the best and in a way, I felt guilty for wanting more than the life my dad worked so hard to give us.
Truth be told, I would have been happy with my life. It was hectic, I could never make ends meet, and I didn’t have as much freedom as I wanted but I was pretty much content with the life I had. I loved my family, loved our home, and I guess loved the fact that I didn’t have to make decisions for myself. It was a pampered (but not easy) life but I’ve made a decision and here I am, typing this up while I wait for life to unfold.
For most of you who have packed your bags and traveled to other cities, the revelations may be quite startling and this may be the reason why people travel: to discover who they are while at the same time appreciating home more. These past two months have been raw and defining.
For the first time in forever, my older sister asked me why I was so mad and angry at the world all the time. I wish I had answers but I didn’t. My childhood wasn’t perfect but my parents gave what they had. It was my only ideals of how the world should be that may have created my inner demons or the pressure of the world I was in, but there is no time for excuses now.
My husband says I should take it a day at a time and simply relax into the days. In all honesty, I have no idea how to relax. I have always been uptight and on the go so this whole new relaxing thing and spending days reading, catching buses, writing, working out, and exploring is a totally new ball game.
It’s as if I am shedding who I used to be and not only is it disarming but also scary. My old life was pristine and this one is so messy and uncertain and yet I am here now. And though my faith is shaking, my beliefs are still there. It may be taken into a new dimension but I know God doesn’t love me any less.
It’s a new adventure and a new undertaking. I may not know what tomorrow brings but I have faith that God will follow through and at this moment, my own spring is coming forth.