What’s so good about being numbed?


The strange realization that I am void of all human emotions came to me two mornings ago while I was listening to magic 89.9 and trying to get some work done.
Two hours into listening, I’ve come to grasp that I have not yet squealed over a single song!

Not one song and for a girl who relates life’s every single detail to a song, that’s proven to be a major thing.

That’s scary. That and the fact that I have stopped raking in as much blog entries as I used to, I know this is just some phase and I uniquely call it my “blank” phase. However, as I unravel the Pandora’s Box accompanying this said phase, I come across another word, “numbed”.
Strangely enough, they coincide with one another.

For all of you text fanatics out there, you probably read this quote that said something along the lines of “having a heart that’s whole but numbed or a heart that’s broken but real”

Who knew that these little musings could apply to real life, as sugarcoated and “emo” as they may seem.

You see for the past 12 months of my life, I have been consumed by all the emotions a person could possibly feel, which makes it understandable as to why I chose to close off my ability to feel any extreme emotions for awhile.
Yes, I haven’t been exceptionally emotional lately but I also found life way too boring.

I’m also not the type of person who finds amusement in ruining things that are stable and okay and I don’t think my heart’s ready to face yet another set of challenges but I think I’m ready to get on the rollercoaster again, only this time, I’d be holding on to the handrails tighter and put on my seatbelt with more caution.

Metaphorically speaking, it’s like I’ve been standing in the long line to get to the rollercoaster, but instead of wanting the line to speed up, I allow other people to cut through the line thus prolonging my “wait.

In as much as I have made other people happy by focusing on them first, I found no adventures to write about.

I’m stepping out of this zone that I’ve put myself in, it’s time to dance to life’s music again.
And to answer the quote’s question, I would just like to say that being numbed is not, in any more delightful than having a “real” heart. It’s safe. I haven’t bawled my eyes out in awhile. It’s good.

However, experiencing something and getting through it is just damn more exciting!

I may be on blog break for awhile considering that I have finals in less than two weeks! So please pray for me! For those of you who are taking their finals soon too, God Bless!:)

Enjoy the rest of the week guys!