It is the 21st day of December and officially the first day of winter. In less than a month, my husband and I will be celebrating our first, yes our first!, year living in the United States. For the past week, I have been holding back the tears but admittedly spent a good part of it crying any chance I got.
Being far away from home sucks for the lack of a better term. I miss giving my dad a hug every morning and car rides with my brother. I miss going downstairs and just feeling safe in the idea that I am home and I am safe. In the past year, I have stepped away from the comfortable life my parents provided for me in order to build my own life. And building one’s life is never easy nor safe. For the longest time, I have felt uneasy and I have craved for the sense of security I had felt when I was in my parents’ home. I was never the girl to take chances but this year, I gave it all. It came with a lot of rewards, struggles, and sacrifices. But never once did God’s peace leave me and when all else fails in my life, that is what I hold on to – His peace.
My greatest desire growing up was not to get married. My biggest desire was to take care of my family, especially my parents when they got older. However, the puzzle pieces did not seem to fit. Just like Moana, I felt like there was always something on the side of the world that was meant for me. I never would have the courage to go for it, I would have been too afraid to leave my family. God knew I needed a little push and here I am, almost 12 months in. I was confused – God did not give me my heart’s desire? Why weren’t my prayers answered? Yes, I did pray for a godly man but not one who would take me across the world because I needed to take care of my parents.
There are still a lot of questions that are left unanswered and I know that I may never get the answer to them anytime soon but I have always believed in following God’s peace wherever it led me to. And this year, it led me here. It led me to build my own family without abandoning the one I have known my whole life while learning to become a wife. I am grateful for my husband’s kind heart and for always putting me first. I do not say it enough but in the past year, my husband has showed me the reality of God’s love and His patience. There are many ways my heart has been changed by marriage but that is for another time, another story to tell.
I used to think God’s plan for me included something grand but maybe it is grand but just not in the world’s way. And that makes sense because God’s way has never been like the world’s anyway. I keep trusting His purpose, I keep trusting His heart, and I rest in the fact that He is good especially when I am not.
This year my greatest prayer has been to learn to be content in my own skin, my own life, and what God has blessed me with. So here’s a little cheer from The Highams – may your Christmas be merry and bright.