Based on years of practice and Sweet Valley/Babysitter Club novels, goodbyes are supposed to be messy. There could only be one reason why we leave something behind and it’s this: if it causes discomfort or brings a lot of pain.
Everyone knows that my two year stint in Southville wasn’t perfect, there were parts that I’d rather delete and there were days where all I wanted was to stay in bed and just stay there until my world disappears. It was hell or boot camp for the most part but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because along the way there were little trinkets of heaven that manifested along the way, trinkets that i’d definitely cherish forever.
So now, two weeks left into my tenor in SISC, I couldn’t help but rethink the idea of goodbye because for the first time in two years, i’m actually enjoying this environment. I’m enjoying the students, my workmates and for once, I have a kindhearted boss who I don’t want to strangle 24/7.
There’s no pain, discomfort or negativity, in fact i’ve grown my own pseudo family in the four walls of this institution (okay, that doesn’t make it sound good!) and for the most part, I’ve gained friends that i’m so comfortable with that bursting into a Barney song at 3 PM is not unusual.
There are not so nice people that I’m no longer afraid of and I’ve gotten a hang of them and their nasty attitudes that I know how to deal with them without strangling them to their demise.
But at the same time, in as much as i love SISC and the people i’ve met through it, I couldn’t help but note that I didn’t say that I loved the job.
Being efficient at something doesn’t make you love it.
You know, Dawson was perfect for Joey, they were good together, but it doesn’t mean that Joey loved Dawson. That was reserved for Pacey, something so wrong for her and still it made perfect sense.
That’s how I feel about my work in SISC.
I meet my deadlines, go beyond what i’m supposed to do but I don’t love it. I don’t wake up in the morning and rush to work, excited for what i’m supposed to do.
My heart would always belong to teaching and parts of it would be dedicated to marketing, you know the kind of marketing that makes you think.
There’s nothing wrong with it, it could be another person’s Pacey, but for me, it’s not something that I can do six days a week, eight hours a day.
It’s just not what God wants me to do.
Leaving something bad and ugly is hard on some level but leaving something beautiful is challenging and difficult because you want to make sure that you don’t regret anything and you don’t derail from the plan that the Lord has for you.
Weeks and months of prayer led me to this decision and although people may be curious as to why i’m leaving, as if there’s some nasty gossip looming behind, but in truth, there’s none.
Instead, i do leave a piece of my heart hidden in the purple, green and pink spectrum that is SISC and I do wish people there (even the ones i want to choke) with nothing but good things.
And as I close this entry, I now do so without a heavy heart. It’s time to transition and i’m just blessed to do the things that my heart desires.
Goodbye purple, green and pink, it was a good run indeed!