Before I Fall Too Fast, Kiss Me Quick, But Make It Last


It’s only Tuesday and I feel extremely maxed out already.

It’s not even the end of Tuesday yet and already I feel an extreme sense of stress building and this is just one of those weeks that has everything strewn together such as midterms, IB class openings and pretty much a reactivated social life.
Which is the point of this entry. My heart, which has been quiet for a really really long time was brought to life recently and although I won’t get into the cheesy details since it’s early in the game (it hurts to say that!) but it’s wonderful how all these chemicals in my body react the same way towards the disclosed object of my affetion.
It’s scary, extremely scary because the last time that I felt this strongly towards someone he turned into a mini-version of Chuck Bass and there are still nightmares that could possibly follow me the rest of my life.
So, forgive me, if I feel that every ignored text message and every missed call means that he’s cheating on me and not doing something extremely wonderful with his life. Although, I never act psychotic, I always drive myself insane without letting anyone know, which can be very dangerous, if you ask me.
I guess, the same way that this could turn out very badly, like my heart breaking and what not, it could also mean that this could be the greatest surprise that my life has to offer me so far and isn’t that exciting?
So i’m confused and anxious all the friggin’ time, it’s not even funny anymore. Like I feel that every smile that’s the product of this could be wonderful thing might end up in really bitter tears. I guess it was the conditioning that I had with he who shall not be named.
But, who knows, maybe this time it would be perfect and who knows because maybe this time, this actually might end up working.