I’m not the favorite child.
And I don’t say this bitterly or filled with resentment for my folks or my siblings because all of them are wonderful creatures, but I say this as a fact, the same way that I would say that the sky is blue or the sun is yellow. It’s a fact.
I really don’t know the reason for this simply because I’m not the black sheep nor am I the “I-bring-a-grungy-new-boyfriend” every other week either. When it comes to kids, I’m pretty much a good deal since in my entire 21 years, I only answered back TWICE that led to full blown fights (well, if you’re not a favorite, I don’t think you’re allowed to talk back-ever), I’ve never had a boyfriend and the last guy I dated was pretty much the perfect boyfriend-you-should-take-home-candidate (more on this later) and I’ve been working since I was 19. The only thing that I ever demanded from them was a camera, so case in point is that I’m a pretty cheap kid. I don’t tell them that I’m in school when I’m supposed to be with a friend and I’m probably the only kid who made the Dean’s List 9/10. I’m not bragging, I’m just creating a scenario because I know most people, after they read this would probably think that I’m so Blair-Bitch who’s harping a Marsha Brady tune.
But you know, I’m not, I’m simply stating facts and since I’m only human, I have tons of journal rehashing past hurts and disappointments in moments of pure and utter loneliness but I’m past that although there are still black days (as I call them) such as this one wherein the hurt that’s been caused by being ignored for so long resurfaces and it takes all courage and strength to simply get out and go about with the things that I do everyday and forget about it.
So why am I writing about this? Because it gets tiring.
Because I know that at the back of my mind, I’ll never measure up, no matter how many awards I get or what I achieve in life, I’d never measure up to the pretty ones who do nothing and still are the best loved, the most praised, the most understood.
In some way, I’m also tired of being pressured. Yes, I dated a freakeen saint the first time around, but do you remember the way he treated you? Yes, I don’t think his money would ever make up for the fact that, even though he’s a smart and nice boy, good manners and being monogamus are not his strong suits.
Why can’t I be happy for once and not being pressured into thinking that if my future kids are not rich or as good looking as thier cousins, you would ignore them too because I know you would.
I just wish you’d see me. I wish you’d allow me to live my life and stop comparing me to everyone else, I’m not my sister, I’m not Carl and I’m not Kuya.
Up to this point, I’ve strived to become the best so maybe you’d save the last piece of cake for me or stop telling me to stop eating because you’re saving what you just cooked for your favorite one. Or maybe, one day you’ll take me shopping and not ask me to pay for it when I know that you just spent fortunes for another sibling. But I guess no matter how many I achieve or even if I become a goddamn princess, I’ll never measure up and it’s okay.
It’s okay because maybe it’s time for me to pick up on the fact that this is my life now and even though it sucks sometimes, I know I’ve got places to go and people to meet and God has all these wonderful plans for me and all I have to do is weather it out.
Ed Lapiz was right, when you’re the least favorite, you’ve got the advantage of seeing life as it really is and this will propel you to greater heights. The Lord, I know placed me in these situations so He can prepare me for the great things He has instore and I’m clinging to that. I’m clinging to that with everything I have because, at this point, my faith is truly all I have.