Finding Pieces


Fairy tales.

My dad once told me the story of how he kept me still when I was younger– a healthy dose of movies (mostly sports movies because up until Carl was born- I was both the boy & girl in the family) and the occasional fairy tale.

While I loved Ariel, Belle & Snow White, I lived for movies where the tomboy (Becky) won over the cheerleader. I have always associated myself with the awkward, Betty La Fea, Josie Geller, Mia Thermopolis characters simply because I knew deep down that they were my true soulmates.

When I finally entered the workplace and was, for the first time freed from school work did I come across possible Prince Charmings.

Looking back, I was such a dreamer.

I always liked the unattainable ones and often ran away when given the opportunity to talk to them.

The first one I truly liked was an absolute charmer and I prayed day & night that he was my Prince Charming. At 19, I was head over heels over someone who saw me as a little sister and nothing else.

The crushes that followed after him were as close to perfection as he was. I didn’t have a specific physical type but all of them had one trait — unattainable.

The more impossible (meaning far away) they were, the better. I wanted to be the Betty La Fea of my story. I wanted Daniel to fall for a regular girl like me.

The years passed & today I find myself looking back at the ever so innocent crushes with a smile. Just like what Samantha Baker’s dad said in 16 Candles, they are called ‘crushes’ for a reason.

The last crush who truly made an impact followed the same pattern – perfect & unattainable and at 24, the pattern was getting old.

I was about to get bitter, but today, I realized that while they are not the perfect piece for me, they did have a piece in my story.

You see while they never liked me in the way that I had hoped, they have showed me what a godly man is like.

That while they were not meant to be more than brothers, they did show me what a quality man of God was like & boy how blessed their future wives would be!

It was such a privilege to have walked with them at one point without it being a romantic relationship. I simply caught a glimpse of what God’s best would be like and while my pride might hate them for not liking me– I’d rather thank them.

The dreamboat I absolutely LIKED at 19 continues to make my heart kilig in a way that it hasn’t been kilig since I met him six years ago. To this day, im still blown away by his charm and I’m fortunate to call him a friend. And while I’m thankful that I can finally see him as a real human being now, I’m also ridiculously grateful for his “dreaminess” simply because it reminds me of the importance of that Pinoy thing we call ‘kilig’. He reminds me of my idealistic 19 year old self and he reminds me to never ever underestimate that feeling and its significance.

Mr. 2012 was my Mr. I-Hope-He-Is-The-One. He was the crush to end all crushes and I recall letting out a squeal of delight when he followed me on twitter. Yes, my kababawan amazes me. And while we never became more than solid acquaintances, I still think he changed my life in a way that my future husband will thank him for. While Mr. 2007 was the dream guy, Mr. 2012 was the real guy– which made him more deadly. From the moment I met him, my ideals were completely challenged and my view on things were completely changed.

I don’t think I am the same person I was before I met Mr. 2012 and for awhile, I was confused but if anything it was Mr. 2012 who made me surrender it all to Jesus – with no rules, blueprints or plans — just pure abandon to His perfect will for me.

I once read somewhere that we eventually become the people we meet- that a person who passes by the adventure called life makes an impact– whether big or small. I never quite understood it until i experienced the adrenaline of today.

It was as if I have been locked in a dark room and suddenly the windows were flung open & light came through and finally, I see.

That these pieces completed the puzzle of who I am and while they were not the perfect match, their pieces were significant.

Their pieces made me a little wiser and a little smoother around the edges. They were the pieces that became part of the mold that will prepare me for someday.
The pieces, if used wisely and as they were designed, fulfilled a better purpose.

I have come to understand that often we have a choice as to whether we become bitter or if we allow whatever has disappointed us in the past to make us better individuals.

And today, I came to realize what the better choice was.