have you ever? *the real dirt on my HS life*


( I am writing this entry now that I have the guts to actually do so. I’ve been meaning to write about this for ages but never seem to have the guts to do so. The things I am about to share are quite embarrassing actually but then again… it’s the truth and its part of my life and this is my blog. Oh you know the drill… I know this entry is so chick flick-ish but guess what, they actually happen.)

Have you ever been called psychotic behind your back just because you never fail to show people how you feel, no matter what those feelings consist of?

Have you ever experienced a time wherein almost all of your batch mates turned their backs on you just because of a few “rotten apples” who started spreading totally untrue rumors about you?

Have you encountered people who did nothing but put you down and make you feel unworthy?

Have you ever been an outcast because you chose to be who you are?

Have you ever been lonelier than lonely because you never had real friends and all of them just simply walked all over you and took you for granted?

Have you ever stayed at home on prom night watching “meet the fockers” just because teachers and students alike worked day and night to make you feel that you don’t deserve to be beautiful even on prom night and that you weren’t worthy of such attention?IN AS MUCH AS IT IS SO NEVER BEEN KISSED AND IM SO ASHAMED OF CRACKING UNDER PRESSURE… I HAVE AND HEY I MADE A STATEMENT. HA!

Have you ever given your heart to someone who you thought liked you back until he gave in to peer pressure and wasn’t man enough to fight for his feelings? (Everyone was telling him that liking me is the lowest of the low move for him)

Have you decided to write this entry in order to finally let go of the pain, the rejection, the hurt and move on to a new chapter of your life?

To the very few people who have been my “real friends” . . . thank you! Kristy Thomas from the baby sitters club was right, you could count them using one hand. You know who you are.
To Jeremy Luz, Anthony Laborte, Genesis Tolentino and the rest of your posse, thanks for the years of torment and torture. Thanks for starting the rumors that I was psychotic back in sophomore year, a thing I had to live with until I graduated. Thank you so much cause because of you guys and your innate lack of sensitivity, I am so much better. My faith in the Lord is stronger and I have learned never to treat people like shit because they don’t have certain things or don’t have such conformist attitudes. I know it’s a thing of the past but still I want to thank you. If it weren’t for you, I would probably be some snobbish conformist bitch who can’t speak her mind and have no idea what she wants. Some clone who have no direction whatsoever. I have regard for everyone around me and treat them well, no matter who they are. Thank You. Thanks too to those fudging teachers who didn’t teach me anything and yet had the guts to put me down and made me miss the last prom of my life. I don’t regret not going though. Again, I am stronger because of all your “lait” and the likes of it. Oh and I hope that next time you don’t try poking into the students’ personal lives and don’t tell them who they should or should not be with.

And to YOU, who had my heart for the entire time I was at that school, crushed it, tore it apart, degraded me and oh… spread rumors about me…. THANK YOU. When I look back now, I realize how much you made me feel as if I was don’t deserve anyone’s affection just because I’m nowhere near your damn definition of perfection. I just hope now you don’t listen to what your friends say and stand up for what you want in life, newsflash: they won’t always be there. Thank you because despite all the bull you’ve put me through I realized that though I am far from perfection… I still deserved to be appreciated for who I am and this isn’t conceit. Every person on this planet deserves that and no one deserves being degraded. Again thank you and despite everything you’ve done to me, I hope you find someone who fits that damn criteria of perfection. (Good luck, buddy!)

As I wipe the last tear I’d ever cry for these people, I end this entry. After I publish this… its over. I am no longer looking back.
My new life awaits me…
Goodbye to these people and move on…
After all…
It’s about time, isn’t it?