“It is not who I am underneath, it is what I do that defines me,”
Bruce Wayne A.K.A Batman
“There is nothing to fear but fear itself”
Scarecrow (I think that was him, hehe)
“Why do we fall sir? We fall so we can learn to pick ourselves up,”
I saw Batman Begins last night but I wasn’t feeling so well yesterday. I wasn’t very honest in my last entry, I was trying to cover up how I was feeling and it wasn’t me at all. I was frustrated at myself for how I was during our Campaign Planning Class last Thursday and Customer Care and Services yesterday. I felt so stupid because I felt that I cannot contribute to anything at all and if ever I did, I’d feel that what I said just didn’t make sense at all. I feel illiterate, I feel pressured. I felt angry at myself and confused on whether or not I have made the right decision. If it weren’t for my phone and messages from Daisy, I may have cried right there and then. I wasn’t happy. I felt as if I didn’t belong there. I felt like I was falling a step behind everyone else. Yup, feeling all that on the first three days of school.
What I failed to realize is that all that I was feeling was motivated by fear. I was afraid to fail, I was afraid to not make the grade. I’m scared as hell. All the pressure is because I am putting it on myself. There’s a lot to do- I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to finish it all. I’m afraid the professors hate me, afraid that I would never like what I’m doing.
Watching Batman helped ease those fears.(It was such a great movie, I haven’t been in awe like that eversince Finding Neverland, I super loved it. *wink*) There’s nothing to be afraid of. I was reminded that this was the Lord’s plan for my life and all I had to do was trust Him. I forgot that I wasn’t alone in this. He would help me get through all of this.
I’m feeling better today, still a bit afraid but I’ve surrendered everything to Him. Its His Will for my life. I can do this. I just need time to adjust. Pray that things would get better along the way.
So much for my first day funk. *wink*
Don’t get me wrong, I feel blessed to be at that school. I’m enjoying my school, all I have to do is have confidence in myself and participate. I guess that’s one thing in the mix that’s missing. My confidence. I’ll work on that.
“ I can do all things through Christ who gives me Strength,”