“The Lord gives His people strength; the Lord grants His people security.”
– Psalm 29:11
Women are insecure.
It’s not really a secret and I don’t think us women do a very good job of hiding it. How many times have we fallen into the trap of wearing our insecurity around our neck like a badge?
Most of us think that we let our insecurities show when we are weak and vulnerable without realizing that it manifests in us the most when we are angry and defensive.
I don’t know about you but I would love to be a secured woman.
All my life I have dreamed of the day when I would walk around without a care in the world. Unfortunately though, I have always thought that this kind of confidence would just come out of the heavens without me lifting a finger. I have placed a greater premium on how I feel instead of owning up and actually try to do something about it.
Let’s face it: every single day we women are placed in a battlefield, sometimes with men, often times with other women but most of the time with ourselves.
Our own thoughts consume us and often make us feel that we are not worthy. Not worthy to be loved, taken care of, promoted, appreciated and so on. And the amazing thing about this is that we have our own reasons why we can’t be any of the things listed above: not smart enough, not thin enough, not good looking enough and on and on and on.
We often confuse humility with self-pity and oh, do we thrive on self-pity. To make us feel good about ourselves, we often compare ourselves with others we deem lesser than us or we cling on to the validation of other people who are just as unstable as we are. Once that validation is no longer available, our security and stability are out the window as well.
I’d like to think that our biggest mistake is believing that security comes from an outer source and something that we have no control over.
We often think that in order to feel good about ourselves and comfortable in our own skin, we need permission.
Insecurity is detrimental in so many ways. For one thing, it makes enemies out of strangers. Women, who we esteem higher than ourselves, suddenly become competition and soon enough, a would be awesome friendship is over even before we began.
It also gives us blinders. We think that a woman whose lifestyle I perceive is more perfect than mine suddenly has no right to be sad simply because in our heads, she’s perfect.
Because of our insecurity, women are no longer women, but statues who are not allowed to have emotions simply because her life is “perfect”.
Why do we do this?
Why do we constantly measure up other women? Is another woman’s success robbing me of my own? Is another woman’s love life cheating me of my own? Is another woman’s fashion stopping me from having my own?
For one thing, my security doesn’t come from other women (or men).
It comes solely from God.
I have made the mistake one too many times of placing my security and happiness in something that was meant to change sooner or later. Nothing is ever permanent in this world so to place my worth in someone as unstable as I am is just setting myself up for disaster.
I think to get to the core of insecurity we have to ask ourselves where our worth comes from.
If I place my entire worth on my looks then how would I feel when I gain ten lbs or if I no longer posses my ‘youthful’ glow? If I place my entire worth in a man’s hand, how would I feel when he leaves? If I place my worth in my career, what happens when it’s finally time to hand in the reigns to someone younger?
At the end of the day, the only place where I can define my worth and not have it swept under the rug is by placing in the hands of One who is unchanging — God.
It makes me see other women as that — women and on my good days, I even see them as sisters who need to be loved as much as I think I need to be loved. I no longer see them as competition for a job or for a man (God forbid!) but I see them as a women who have been hurt and who need to heal — just like me. I no longer see them through deluded rose colored glasses, but rather I see them as someone like me, we may not look alike or come from the same social standing, but we are wired the same — women all over the world share one thing in common — a unique desire to love and be loved.
I understand how easy it us to get lost in the game, I understand how easy it easy to fall into the trap of becoming jealous of another woman just because she snagged the guy of our dreams or because she never seems to gain a pound.
It is easier to think that the grass is greener on the other side simply because we’ve never been there.
Sometimes, we need to stop unleashing our inner Regina George and start taking a step back and start seeing a woman for who she really is. Let us now allow her glamorous life to trick us into thinking that she is without flaws or insecurities. Instead, let us see her the way we see ourselves, let us remember that the woman has her own set of troubles that she is dealing with and own insecurities that sprung from experiences we know nothing about.
We must always try to remember that everyone, including you and me, often put up a front on our social networks. I mean, who really wants to air their dirty laundry on Twitter right? I’d like to think that we should stop gauging other people’s success by what they post on Social Networking sites. Today’s technology has done wonders for us, but it has also caused a lot of trouble, so just like in real life, let us try not to judge a book by its cover or by its Instagram profile.
Whenever we feel tempted to be snotty as a mechanical self-defense brought about by our insecurities, remember that the woman you are tempted to feel jealous about also sees something in you that she wants for herself.
What a wonderful world it would be if women just stepped out of their “defensive” stance and start being kind to each other. It would be awesome for women to love each other instead of constantly competing with each other and it would be even better if we helped a sister out instead of constantly pointing out her flaws.
Remember just like you that woman you are jealous of also needs a real friend.
Let us allow another woman’s success to inspire our own and let us allow another woman’s beauty to inspire us to celebrate our own.
Women are beautiful. God created us to be strong and beautiful and He created us this way because He meant for us to help each other out.
Celebrate who you are, yes whoever you are reading this and relish in the fact that God took His time in creating someone like you! And if you feel that you are damaged goods, don’t feel ashamed about it because God is the God who restores us and heals our hearts! Soon, your battlescars will tell the beautiful story of your life and that story will inspire a girl to be proud of her own battlescars.
YES, BELIEVE IT, ONE DAY YOUR STORY WILL INSPIRE ANOTHER!
With that being said, I am leaving you with the most beautiful woman I have yet to know, the Proverbs 31 Woman that you and I have the potential to be (and don’t worry, the right man will love you for being this kind of woman!) :
10 [a]Who can find a virtuous and capable wife?
She is more precious than rubies.
11 Her husband can trust her,
and she will greatly enrich his life.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.13 She finds wool and flax
and busily spins it.
14 She is like a merchant’s ship,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household
and plan the day’s work for her servant girls.16 She goes to inspect a field and buys it;
with her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She is energetic and strong,
a hard worker.
18 She makes sure her dealings are profitable;
her lamp burns late into the night.19 Her hands are busy spinning thread,
her fingers twisting fiber.
20 She extends a helping hand to the poor
and opens her arms to the needy.
21 She has no fear of winter for her household,
for everyone has warm[b] clothes.22 She makes her own bedspreads.
She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns.
23 Her husband is well known at the city gates,
where he sits with the other civic leaders.
24 She makes belted linen garments
and sashes to sell to the merchants.25 She is clothed with strength and dignity,
and she laughs without fear of the future.
26 When she speaks, her words are wise,
and she gives instructions with kindness.
27 She carefully watches everything in her household
and suffers nothing from laziness.28 Her children stand and bless her.
Her husband praises her:
29 “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world,
but you surpass them all!”30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last;
but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.
31 Reward her for all she has done.
Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.