I don’t know how to begin this blog entry. All I know is that I want to write. I was looking at previous entries and I literally cringed at every entry that I came across, because the girl that was writing was so pained and was so conflicted although she pretended that everything was alright.
This morning, I decided to keep a diary again, or a more formal way of saying it is “keeping a journal.” I decided to keep a journal again because there are so many things in my head that need to be written down and sometimes it may be too personal, even for this blog.
This morning, for the first time ever, i finally felt free from people. I finally realized that I could love people freely without expecting anything in return. I am not yet perfected in this and I don’t think I would ever be, but it’s first step to keep my eyes on Jesus instead of constantly feeding off people and expecting them to complete me.
Looking back at previous journal entries made me realize how broken I was and the ironic thing about that was that yes, I was broken but I didn’t even realize that I was.
Through God’s grace, I have come a long way and I thank Him everyday that He has changed my heart.
I was reading John Ortberg’s “The Me I Want To Be” earlier and he mentioned something along the lines of “only God can change someone’s heart”.
It was the time for me to change and I hope that my life can reflect how good God is and how gracious He is.
My 22nd year would be a blast, it would be a time to be renewed fully in Him. I am very very excited over the adventures that He has for me.