A few weeks ago, I had an entry about Amy Poehler’s popular catchphrase, “Good for her but not for me”. The entry explored how collectively as women we should learn to celebrate the differences in our lives and be confident enough to realize when something is not for us.
Today, I begin again with another sentence, “It has nothing to do with me.” As human beings, it’s quite easy to blame ourselves when relationships of any kind fall apart. We instantly agonize over what we did wrong and the things we wished we did right. It’s an endless game of could haves, would haves, and should haves. We constantly wonder why things went sour and we think of ways to repair it. I don’t know about you but it’s extremely difficult for me to accept that I could have done something and yet I did not. So I overthink, I over analyze, I over react and this I am not proud to say, I also blame myself until I go insane.
But the wonderful truth that my mom told me earlier in the middle of yet another overly emotional rant was this, “it has nothing to do with you”. A person’s choices and that includes not wanting you to be in their lives is THEIR choice. It may not be the choice you wanted yourself but it’s the choice they’re standing by. Some people are decent enough to tell you why but I’ve learned that most people just walk away without even saying a word, but then again that is also their choice.
We have the tendency to think that everything in the world revolves around us and that if we just tried harder, it would have worked. But often life isn’t like that, us making a decision doesn’t speak for the other person. We ultimately cannot control why a person chooses to stay or walk away. We can give out all and do the best we can but that’s really all that there is to it. That’s the best we can do. We can even apologize and make it up to the person but if the person chooses to not be in your life, we can join the circus and it wouldn’t even matter.
You can ultimately be the best version of yourself and still be unwanted. That’s the tough reality of life but the silver lining in all this is the fact that it has nothing to do with us. One’s choices often reflect their own inner life and not ours. We’d like to think that but more often than not, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US.
This one sentence one can save us many sleepless nights and hours of over analyzing. It will also help us remain our inner peace and most importantly frees our heart from being bitter. Situations just don’t workout because maybe they’re not meant to but there’s no use constantly crying over them or berating ourselves. Learn as much as you can and then move on.
Free the person who left and believe that one day, there would be people who would stay even if you don’t ask them to and I believe that’s worth the wait.
But until then say this and believe it, “it has nothing to do with me”.