*WARNING: A HIGHLY EMOTIONAL ENTRY.
I’m an idealist and a hopeless romantic.
Which is why I always get involved in situations where just because a guy looks a certain way, I end up liking him. Like in a big way, I drum up about several things about him and get disappointed when he isn’t any of them. Which isn’t really fair to him or to me because, well, it’s not based on reality. It’s based on several senseless things and inasmuch as I don’t want to be hurt or disappointed, I end up being hurt and disappointed just because I refused to believe in reality.
It’s wrong on many accounts, maybe it’s my way of you know, shielding myself. That’s what I do. Like putting these guys on a pedestal would somehow allow me to find fault thus allowing me to turn away from them because they weren’t “good enough”, which is truly truly a bunch of psychobabble, but somehow it makes sense.
Let’s use as an example my latest misadventure. On all levels, I shouldn’t have, you know? I shouldn’t have stepped in there because I would be disappointed. We’re worlds apart and I insisted on having my way just because he’s so freakkeen cute and a freakken carbon copy of Michael Moscovitz.
But it wasn’t fair, ya know? Now, I realized that he’s nowhere near perfect like all of us are. He’s just a boy and I expected too much from him like I do every single person that I meet.
It’s not funny. I expect too much from people and end up being disappointed. So there’s obviously something wrong here.
I’m thinking too much and doing so little.
Meaning, I don’t even take the time out to step down from the clouds and truly know a person before jumping in. I just JUMP. I just jump and daydream. Which for one who majored in marketing, that’s something that comes in handy but you know, for living my day to day living, that’s really not something I’m proud of.
I should STOP OVERANALYZING, EXPECTING and THINKING too much. I should honestly start living.
This little thing that I had going for awhile did something significant. It pushed me to the brink. It made me realize how stuffy my life has been. I’m taking a giant leap of faith instead. That it’s all going to work without me pining or working overtime to make it work.
it will work if its meant to, love.
I can be such a manipulative bitch sometimes. HA HA HA.