Mama, I’m A Big Girl Now


I used to remember when I would sit in the computer lab in my high school and blog for ages. I would spend every waking moment in the extremely cold computer lab under the not so watchful eye of our creepy computer teacher and I would have a new entry to write every single day (sometimes, I’d even blog twice or thrice a day!).

And looking back, it sorta bothers me since, well, what really did I write about during those younger years? Faux broken hearts, pretending to know about politics (now, i just don’t talk about it at all, it’s a waste of perfectly good cyberspace, besides, the net is already saturated with know-hows and those pretending to be know-hows) and angst, a lot of angst.

I used to be so mad at the world and I used to dish it out every single day.

Now, I’m less angsty and I realized that I’ve been writing less. I’d write about random things but never full blown entries unless my heart is shattered or I’m really pissed off about something.

I’ve also come to realize that I hardly write when I’m happy, even though I have become a converted optimist in the past couple of years, I’m still afraid to write something beautiful down maybe because, in the tiniest part of my brain, i’m still scared that that beautiful thing would be snatched from under my nose.

Also, TWITTER has been a good outlet for the random things that i used to blurt out in my blog. And with my busy schedule, I really don’t have the time to write a lengthy entry explaining how my day went. I’m all good with 140 characters and usually, they’re enough to explain how I feel.

I’ve been busy. That’s saying it at the very least. I’ve been extremely busy getting my life together, daydreaming and possibly stalking on facebook in between that I haven’t really sat down and sifted through my thoughts.

Sometimes, I like them messy, but today, in particular, I felt like writing again. And there’s no particular reason for it. I just like to write, I like to verbalize my thoughts and none of them are interesting, unless you want me, in detail, to talk about photoshop, indesign, the video shoots I have to do and my class tonight, which aren’t particularly enthusiastic topics.

Some say that I’m living this superwoman life, going to class, dealing with things 21 year olds deal with, working full-time and they look amazed, as if i’m doing something right.

The reality is, i’m just a really boring person. Weekends are no longer comprised of drinking and dancing (oh gaa, i miss dancing) although i’ve never been one to over extend my drinking poweress, instead its Gossip Girl (or whatever show i’m currently hooked to), homework, family and friends ocassionally. I love staying at home and daydreaming. I love working out.

And the funny thing is I also love spending time with myself. Gone are the days when I wish there was someone for me instead of me always being that someone to somebody. I like where I am, but god am I driven!

I really don’t know the point of this long drawn out entry, but i guess, in a little way it reflects where I am at this very point of my life. Busy, but happy. Nothing else, nothing more. I guess I’ve gone past the days of complicated and I’m simply taking life as it is and taking risks on the side.

I’m happy. Which is all we’ve strive for when we get up in the morning and I hoping that as you read this, you are too.