Something was bothering me today and I can’t seem to undermine where it was coming from. Something was wrong, something had to be fixed but somehow, I couldn’t fathom what it was.
So I couldn’t fix it.
But towards the end of the day, I’ve realized,
“Why the hell should I?”
Whatever bothered me earlier, it has already bothered me before and I always thought that it was due to certain circumstances but the circumstances are different today.
From anyone else’s perspective, there’s nothing wrong with where I am right now so getting upset over a few comments that probably meant nothing shouldn’t upset me and yet again, they still do.
The problem may be because I never got to the core of the problem. Thier like ghosts haunting me down and never letting me rest.
Ghosts from the past that I haven’t truly forgiven.
Or am I not forgiving myself?
Am I not allowing myself to be happy? Or do I actually forget about myself for the sake of the people I love?
Sometimes I try too hard to save the people around me that I forget about myself and on some days, like the one I just had, it all boils down to this question:
Does someone care about me?
This question isn’t a psycho question and I’m not pleading to be loved. It’s just a question. At the end of the day, would anyone chose to save me when the boat sinks?
Or would I be too busy saving everyone else to actually remember that I need saving too?