This is in relation to my entry yesterday about me wanting to be saved. But when I woke up today and strummed the words I typed in last night, I thought,
“Why did I even think that?”
I guess yesterday, I forgot all about contentment. Yesterday, I forgot about the fact that I have my family and my real friends who love me and would probably think of me when that damn boat sinks.
I don’t know what I was so worried about yesterday; it was probably one of my many mood swings that I could barely explain, even to myself.
On my way to work, I started thinking why people come into our lives when we don’t need them and then leave when we finally learn how to need them.
Seriously, it’s so inconvenient. It’s so inconvenient to pour your heart, your time, your trust and everything else to someone and have them leave you. It leaves this horrendous void and you’d have to rebuild yourself again until another one comes along and breaks down what you’ve just worked so hard to rebuild.
As I’ve said, inconvenient and costly.
But nothing is without a purpose, every hurting, every disappointment is meant to help in the shaping of our lives and who we are. So I guess every time we crumble, every time we lose something, something is gained as well.
When we rebuild ourselves after a horrific earth shattering experience, we come to realize that we could rebuild ourselves the way we used to be before being shattered. No matter how we try hard things would never go back to the way they were.
But that’s not such a bad thing because it means that we’re wiser, it means than we’re a better version of who we used to be.
Instead of carrying around scars, what we have our trophies.
Because every time we lose everything and every time we have to start over we’re given the gift of knowing that despite losing everything, we can stand up, get through that and come out even better.
Too bad for them, leaving us like that.