Rory Rut


Today was a day that my soul needed. It was a day of peace and quiet spent folding laundry while devouring Gilmore Girls. It felt like I was 13 again and there were no deadlines, no pressure, and no decisions that meant major life changes. It was just quiet, exactly what I needed.

There have been so many thoughts in my life lately that I don’t process enough to actually be at peace with them. I’d like to believe that this is the reason behind many mini meltdowns. I’ve been trying to process them for days, for months, for weeks and who would have thought that a visit to a town from my adolescent years would bring me back to life.

It was in the middle of summer and Rory simply plopped down to bed beside her mother declaring that she felt lost and felt like she no longer recognized who she was. As weird as it may sound, I once again found solace in the arms of a beloved fictional character, like it has so many years ago. I have my beliefs, my values, and all those adult things and yet at the end of the day, I still find comfort in relating to characters on screen.

Across four hours, I felt calmer than I have in months and suddenly this awful burden of having to know all of it all at once was lifted from me. It was just like another Saturday night in 1999 where it was just me in a dark room and a TV show with fake characters were enough to make me happy.

Through the lives of the Gilmore Girls, I realized that it was okay to not have my life together yet, to not be perfect, and to not be okay with everyone in your life. It was okay to sit back and relish in not knowing the future because life works out eventually, whether we try or not. There are seasons to life and each season has as a story to tell and while we wish there were seasons we can rush to, there’s a purpose for each one, and while the ones we don’t like seem to last forever, they don’t and soon enough, it rolls into a new one but until then you sit, buckle down, and see the good, no matter how hard you have to squint to see them.

Rory got out of her rut and soon enough, I will too, even better than ever.