“The culture we have doesn’t make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say that if the culture doesn’t work, don’t buy it” – Morrie Schwartz

Society tells us lies everyday.

Society tells us we’re too fat.

Society tells us we’re not smart enough.

Society tells us we never have enough money.

Society tells us that we’re unloved.

Society tells us to believe that whatever has been said about us previously would become true in our lives.

That’s what society tells us. This is how we’re molded. This is how we’re wired and how we’re supposed to be.

That’s the reason why we’re filled with scars, we’re filled with deepseated envy and we’re filled with so much pain that’s our heavy heart is just meant to burst at one point.

I’ve been tangled in that mess and on most days, I still am. I still find myself threatened like Morrie Schwartz said, and that’s the reason why I become mean and I become greedy.

It’s not something that I’m proud of, but hopefully, this is the first step to me recognizing my own mistakes and trying to find a way to be more aware of my actions.

I don’t know exactly where it started, where this fascination with me started. And when I started sinking myself in self-pity.

I seriously don’t know where it began for me, but I guess tracing the steps of it would cause me to go back to my old neurotic ways once again.

So it’s best to understand who I used to be and take a step forever, hoping that the steps I take would lead me very far away from the person I used to be.

I’d like to think I have trust issues.

Because you know, when you’re threatened, you’d like to protect your turf and whoever threatens that turf isn’t worth a minute of your time and deserves to be destroyed.

So you block them out, you become catty, you do it ala Blair Waldorf. You fight mercilessely because you want your turf protected no matter what.

Now that I’m in my very early twenties, I’m slowly leaving that very dark place behind.

I’m slowly finding people who love me for who I am and I’m slowly trying to find my peace and fullness of joy in my relationship with God and my relationship with the people in my life, instead of material things.

It’s not the easiest thing, but greater is He who is in me than He is in the world.

Because everytime I think I’ve won, society shows up and bites me in you know where.

But whenever that happens and whenever i’m about to give up, I stand up again.

And eventhough I would like to resort to the person I used to be, I can’t. Because I’ve given up so much and I’ve transformed so much on the inside for me to just give up.

And because My Creator hates a quitter.

So no matter how many scars I have, it is covered by the blood. And God’s words overcomes all the lies of society. That’s why I’m sticking with Him.

That’s why I’m on His Team.

Because society fails but He never does.