something i picked up from my old blog…do visit UNAUTHORIZED.BLOGDRIVE.COM


I often wonder why there are a lot of unhappy people. Why even if they seem to have everything they still are discontented and still want more, more and more. On why people seem to think that everything is a competition. It’s because our culture dictates us to be perfect at all times, anything less than perfect is not acceptable. Now, that’s crap because we all know for a fact that no one’s perfect, hard to believe when “beautiful people” are being thrown to our faces twenty four seven. We are dictated to be in this size, to be wearing the right clothes and hanging with the “right people”, if you don’t have the right size, clothes or people you’re just not good enough.
I often ponder on why there are ugly people and beautiful people… I was just watching a documentary in a local channel about a family who had big, big eyes… Their eyes were so big they even had difficulty sleeping! Despite their poor condition, people around them still found something to laugh about and still managed to add more pain into their already sorry condition. The mush that I am, I cried because I felt their pain. I may not have some sickness and not deformed (I thank the Lord for that everyday).But, I in my own way have felt being laughed at and mocked. I have been a target of criticism and comparison my whole life, this fact continues on to this day. My close friends know how I feel about the outside beauty, I may be vain but I was forced to become one because of the situation I have been put in. I grew up with people comparing me to the people closest to my heart, my mother, my two brothers and my sister. I used to be so insecure about myself and have not believed any compliment that has come my way (they weren’t a lot by the way..hahaha!). When you are treated this way by people whom you have just met, (imagine your whole family is introduced to a person, this person sees your whole family for the first time, that person approaches you and says, “oh my! Your siblings are so good looking. You would be if you weren’t so fat. Look at your sister” and so on…Some people can be such jerks, imagine saying this to a thirteen year old?! Who the hell does she think she is?! ) and it goes on for as long as you remember you tend to doubt yourself, you tend to doubt what other people continue repeating that inner beauty counts more. You fight feeling bitter but it’s so darn hard because all these people are putting you down.
It has been a long time since I felt that way, but I admit that it comes every now and then. I don’t live in envy and jealousy, I do get insecure but who the hell doesn’t? My friends always told me that I should use my insecurity and those criticisms to make me a better person. And in a way it has, it has helped me to be more compassionate of others, to be more compromising and to be more patient. It isn’t the easiest thing to do and there are days that I act like a bitch when things are going too far, but I try my best to treat everyone right. I don’t judge, I don’t condemn and most of all I don’t crap on people just because they don’t look good “enough”. This sucks, people might say that this is not an issue, but it is…look around you? Who gets laughed at the most? Who gets taken for granted just because that person is not pretty enough? Who suddenly gets attention because she/he lost weight? Why is weight even an issue? There are a million things people should talk about and they go yak about what they should wear to appear slimmer, what they should eat, what sport to play.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good and be healthy, but is anorexia and bulimia healthy? I don’t think so. What pushes teens to the brink of anorexia and bulimia? It’s the freaking connotation of the media that if you aren’t as thin as a stick you’re not pretty enough and you’ll be damn alone the rest of your life. Many people have walked all over me just because I’m not a size two, many people have ignored me because I don’t have the mestiza complexion and many people have disregarded me because I’m not pretty enough…. Still I thank these people, I thank these people for hurting me because if its not for them then I wouldn’t be working hard today to fulfill the dreams that I have day dreamed about because I want to escape this cruel world…Okay, that sounds really dramatic, but its sooohhh true.:)
I just wish people wouldn’t look at the complexion nor should they look at what a person is wearing. I know the things that I have mentioned have been said a million times but I strongly believe that if people just started getting their act together then there wouldn’t be unhappy people anymore, there would be less tears and more laughter.
I know what other people say should not matter and you should believe in yourself, but come on we all know that no man is an island, we actually need to work together to get things done. I once tried that, I once tried to hide away in my shell just so to shun people and their not needed comments, but it did me no good. I ended up being more bitter and insecure… Now, I’m thankful for my friends because they give me just the right amount of boost that I need. They make me smile and they make me appreciate myself more. I may not be the prettiest of the bunch, but I’m happy to be me because despite me not being beautiful, I know I have something else to offer, that’s the loyalty I give to the special people and the love I can give to that one special person.