“We wanted to open them right
then and there, but he made
us wait until morning
because the best things
are worth waiting for”

I stole the quote from Kae’s site and let me just say that that friend of mine always enlightens me. I hope she knows that.

I’ve been going through a lot of shit lately, it’s not even funny anymore. I don’t think I deserve it in the slightest bit, but then again, who are we to tell what things we deserve and which ones we don’t?

But then I realized that it’s time for me to get up from this hole that I’ve been in for awhile now and I’ve realized that I no longer want to be depressed anymore but at the same time, I really don’t want to find my happiness in another person.

You know, sometimes, we don’t really realize it but we end up seeking in someone else the happiness that we fail to give ourselves. Which is really not healthy for the people I depend on so much and myself because no matter how wonderful and sweet that person is, he’s not superman. He cannot heal for me. I have to do that myself.

So, unlike many times before, I’m not going for the rebound here. I’m not going to depend on another person to make me feel good about myself, instead I’m going to heal on my own terms. Grieve if I may and then move on.

Life’s too short, you know? And sometimes you wonder why there are certain things that you worry about.

I was just going through my favorite news sites and I came across DJ AM and the drummer from BLINK 182 who are in critical condition after a plane crash. I mean, why grieve over unnecessary things when you could just choose to be happy.

That doesn’t make me a robot though but a conversation with my friend, Robbie made me realize how strong I’ve been. How i’ve handled things in the past week goes to show how much i’ve matured in the past year.

And I won’t let anyone ruin this lucky break. Just like what Kae said I won’t break. It’s time for me to move on, but at the same time, not move on to another person because honestly at this point in time, I have been sapped my ability to care and love for another person and I really have no business asking that affection from anyone else because I can’t give it.

So, at this point, I’m a bit shattered, a bit shaken, but I’m getting by. I’m living my life, crossing my fingers and hoping against hope that I’d wake up one day and find myself in the city of angels.