I haven’t written a indepth entry inawhile. All that I’ve been writing are merely bits and pieces of my life and how it has been lately. Its been good actually. Kindda messy but good. But then again if that is all I’m ever going to write then maybe I should’ve just stopped blogging. I haven’t been as honest or as open as I used to be and that’s what Im trying to do right now. My life as of February 22, 2006 in a nutshell.
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Before I begin I would like to offer my prayers to those huge number of people who died over the last month. I pray for thier families as well, that the Lord grant them strength and peace to get over this terrible ideal.
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How’s school life? Hmm… Same old same old. School is bittersweet. Its so damn stressful but its fulfilling. I’m totally ga-ga over my ecology midterm that’s happening tomorrow. I’m so stressed over it, my teacher didn’t give us pointers and I’m totally lost on what to study for. I’m nerve-wrecked. I care so much about my grades and it scares the hell out of me if I don’t do well. I know im sucha geek, a paranoid one at that but I hate the feeling of thinking that I could’ve done better. So there school isn’t so bad. Its the same old story. I love school and being beaten up by it. Its the greatest high. I’m a geek- so sue me.
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Fam life is okay and stable. My parents and i don’t get into arguments as much as we used to (those were the days, huh?) and I’m trying very hard to be a good older sister. Carl is in that stage of his life and I don’t want to control him and not experience things on his own. But still he shouldn’t make foolish mistakes. Being an older sister is a hard job but someone’s got to do it, right? Haha. Good thing carl listens to me and does not shut me out. I don’t nag- that’s probably the reason why. Anyway, im missing my older siblings SO MUCH!! I wish they come home for my 18th. Crap, that reminds me, I’m an adult soon. boo-hoot.
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I just saw the movie of Memoirs of a Geisha. I loved it. It made me cry buckets. I loved sayuri-san’s character amazing. I can’t wait to see other movies coming out soon. RYAN MERRIMAN is in the new FD movie…AHHHH!! i CANT WAITT!! Excuse the gradeschool infatuation…hehe. Oh and tree hill season three soon on ETC. Whoot! I cant wait!:)
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So, I guess I couldn’t end this entry without writing anything about my heart and how it has been. Well. . . My heart has begun to feel again. Its been closed off for quite awhile now and lately it has been opening up to the idea of feeling. Only thing that’s stopping me is the fact that I’m too damn scared for my own good. I truly want to be consumed by something that I cannot control and I want to get lost in it but… there’s a huge but and its creating this barrier that’s stopping me from giving in into this feeling. I think I said more than I should and the realization is making me even more scared. But there at least I’m allowing myself to feel…which is something new. I’m taking the risk.