It’s no secret that I once was the Ugly Duckling of the bunch and not just because I had uneven bangs and really dark skin that’s not even funny when I sit beside my siblings (at one point, I seriously looked like thier yaya and it didn’t do a lot to my self-esteem!)
So in those years of pure obscurity, I told myself that once I get to be as mestiza as my sister then there really wouldn’t be a problem anymore (which is highly impossible, mind you).
I’d be the most confident creature on earth and nothing would get in the way.
What I didn’t realize is that you have to feel good about yourself first and then from there, you’d gather enough confidence to build you up and it doesn’t really matter whether or not you’re mestiza or dark, doesn’t matter if you’re a size 4 or a size 14.
It boils from the inside and I’ve come to understand that no matter how many times I wax my legs, get my nails done or rebond my hair, I’m never going to put off that aura of happiness if I truly don’t feel it inside.
I used to hear this all the time when I was younger and since I was the biggest pessimist at the age of 7, I never really bothered to internalize that and didn’t realize how powerful it was.
I only became a converted optimist at the age of 19, right after college. I was introduced to Joel Osteen and The Secret and everything just really fell into place.
I’ve come to terms with who I am, who I’m not and what I cannot be no matter how hard I try and I’ve also come to realize that during the times that I felt most beautiful it had nothing to do with what I looked like on the outside.
Instead, it had everything to do with being able to give myself fully to the people that I love, the field I’ve chosen and after a good workout or solving a really tough problem at work.
I feel beautiful when I feel like I’ve done something worth it.
There’s nothing more incredible than giving yourself away, no matter how little a part and seeing them happy because of something you did. That’s when I feel most beautiful, knowing that I have the ability to make someone smile or cheer someone up.
- I feel the most beautiful when I’m talking to someone and that person just gets it. You know how it goes when your eyes twinkle at the same time because you’re both excited about what you’re talking about. That’s beautiful to me.
- I feel the most beautiful when I make my family happy.
- I feel the most beautiful when I go out of my way and see that a little thing can go a long way.
- I feel the most beautiful when I’m with kids.
- I feel the most beautiful after I’ve read an interesting book.
- I feel the most beautiful after completing a task that I thought was beyond and/or above me.
- I feel the most beautiful after spending time with the MAN. It’s as if I don’t have to worry about anything because He has it all under control.
At the same time, my definition for beauty in other people has been totally redefined as well.
- A person is most beautiful when that person makes me laugh.
- A smart person is most beautiful to me.
- A person who steps out of thier way to lend a hand or share a smile is incredibly beautiful.
- A person who is not afraid to be who she/he is is incredibly beautiful to me as well.
- A person who can dance under the rain is beautiful.
- A person who has the authority but is not overpowered by it is beautiful.
- A person who replies to my text messages is beautiful as well HAHAHA.
- A person who’s not afraid to stand by his beliefs is beautiful too.
As I reflect on my new life, I’ve come to pity my old self, the one who would always run to the corner whenever she sees people in position or just simply someone older.
I pity her because of her insecurities. If she only knew the things I know now then I don’t think she’d ever have a problem moving forward in life and believing in her potential.
But I’m happy we’re no longer on the same boat. It’s incredibly beautiful to be able to get up each day, empower someone by simply giving off a smile or a hug without knowing that the person is in dire need of it and just be a well of joy and peace.
So after reading this long entry, it’s your turn: what is beautiful to you?