I’ve been having an emotionally draining week probably because I’m being spread too thin by the people around me.
It seems like everywhere I go, whatever I do, I’d have to pick sides which kinda sucks since you know as Sami said earlier, I have my own brains and I can use them to formulate an opinion about someone, something, a situation and certain groups of people on my own.
I guess it goes with being sheltered my entire life (there I admitted it!) and I’m also grateful to the fact that there are people who love me enough to warn me regarding certain people and certain situations.
Really, I’m thankful.
But sometimes, I think people forget that I can conclude answers on my own. Regardless that sometimes I don’t make the wisest of decisions but at least they’re mine and no one else’s.
Sometimes I wonder why I’m so afraid to commit mistakes when in truth, I know that when I make them that’s when I grow the most. I know there are fatal mistakes that I should stay away from and I’d like to think that my parents have set enough boundaries for me to know.
I love my friends who guide me and give me advice but thing is how will I learn if I don’t do things on my own?
Before instant messaging with Sami, I was afraid to take a few steps and trust specific people just because I’ve been warned several times that I should stay away from them.
But in all truth and honesty, they’ve been extremely great to me and you know who you are when I say this, “I know my boundaries.” Just trust me and believe that I DO!
I think this goes to show that I’m no longer a child and there are certain decisions in life that I have to make on my own, even with something as simple as making friends or trusting people. The decision lies in me.
The ever omnipresent, Nolan sensed something was wrong earlier and he gave me this wise advice, “Take the risk, not the fall.”
Which really makes a lot of sense, how will I fully enjoy life if I refuse to take risks, even minute ones?
Arvin, my personal shrink, friend and mentor rolled into one also said that maybe I shouldn’t be overly close with people at the beginning of a friendship; this ideal may construe everything that I said up to this point in this entry, but at the same time, I’d like to think that they’re interrelated.
I think there are times that people misinterpret my actions because I’m overly sweet, it’s not that I’d change who I am just to please certain people but maybe I’d have to lay low on that bit for awhile. Cause whether or not I like the idea of it or not, guys do misinterpret things faster than you can say sweet.
I think I have to accept the fact that I’m no longer everyone’s baby and that I have to be mature in handling relationships, especially of the adult variety because sometimes I treat people the same way I treated my classmates in Pre-School without realizing that sometimes, it’s a big no no. Sakin wala lang pero sa iba meron na pala— something I have to learn.
I also picked up that nothing beats humility from my boss (a truly great man!) and that sometimes humbling yourself is the best way to feel good and to feel free. Nobody died because they were humble, in fact most of them did because they were too proud. I’m grateful for God’s strength because it’s only through Him that I am able to humble myself before those who have said more than a few nasty things about me.
But because of what AJ and I talked about yesterday I’ve come to realize that some people may be defensive because they have this perception of me and I think being able to mingle with them outside the glorious *sarcastic* walls of SISC is a good place to start.
So for those of you who are concerned *brother, is that you?*, I know what I’m doing. When I text or talk to people, there’s no way I’m giving my heart away, I’m just making friends the same way that I’m good friends with you. And besides, if they do something bad to me or say something against me, then it would be my lesson to learn?
But I hardly doubt that.
I guess the main point of this over run sentence disguised as a blog entry or a note (AJ, I know you’re an English teacher but leave my blog entry alone! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) is that I’m willing to take a few risks in the next couple of days, weeks and months leading to my 21st birthday.
It’s about time, isn’t it?
Brother, thank you for always looking out for me. I appreciate it.
NEW FRIEND/S: I hope my trust doesn’t break my heart.
I didn’t tag you but I hope you know that hey, my relationship status is what it is. I’m still waiting J
HAPPY INDEPENDCE DAY PEOPLE! =)