“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.”
I have always been known as a young, independent woman who has always made decisions for myself and no one else. Because of this stubbornness, I have been known as selfish and impulsive but to me it’s always been me going after what I want because if I don’t, I won’t get there.
I am my own worst critic and from the moment I earned a scholarship in college, I’ve been my own version of supergirl. No matter what the cost, I aimed to become the best, have the best, and always be the one to win.
I made my own vision board at age 16 and didn’t look back since then. It’s true that I may have not won all specifically but I always had a plan. It was all going as planned up until this year.
This year, I got everything I wished for far earlier than expected and still I found myself in a huge, giant emotional mess. There was a void in my heart that could no longer be filled by achievements, applause, and being “the best.” I was miserable on a daily basis and always cried for a way out.
My life has always been carefully calculated with plans A to Z but then I realized that no matter how closely I stuck to the plan, God’s will for me will prevail.
I’ve never chosen anything uncomfortable for myself. It’s always been the easy way, having the best of both worlds, and instant gratification. I worked my butt off but I liked getting results immediately. I was a rat in the race and I wanted out.
In the deepest recesses of my heart, all I want is a quiet life where I can dedicate the best parts of myself to the ones I love the most. And sometimes, giving the best parts of myself means sacrificing for a future that I was ultimately dreamed of.
God is fine tuning my heart but taking away things that used to matter and stripping me of anything that doesn’t ultimately please him. My former self is being slowly stripped away and while the change is uncomfortable, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I see 2017 as a year of transition and as I step into the unknown, I trust God’a heart for He never has failed. My heart is alive with the possibilities and I seek Him above all, knowing that’s He’s already been in the future and all is well.
And yes, I finally got rid of the vision board.