It was about a week ago, prior to my “confessions to my future husband entry” that I wanted to confess (albeit the title) to him all the guys that i’ve shared a piece of my heart with.
But last week, I never quite understood the point of it all since the closest that i’ve ever had to a relationship is one that involves Pepsi Max, the first ever Iron Man film and basketball, a whole lot of basketball.
But still, sharing your heart and dreams with someone, even for a short time is still that — sharing your heart with someone. it’s still an intimate part that your husband would never get to have because you chose to give it to someone else.
I wasn’t supposed to sift through all of that emotional sh** that has caused me great discomfort throughout the two years *ahem* that I’ve been playing games with said person.
And then I came across the trailer of Eat, Pray, Love courtesy of Clarissa Jean D. Torres.
And although i promised myself not to go anywhere near that thirty second trailer until i finish reading the book (i am now in Indonesia, so a few more pages), I went ahead and allowed myself to be enticed by James Franco.
Then I came across one of my favorite quotes from the book so far and this is a paraphrase since i’m so bad at remembering direct quotes, “i’ve always had a guy, i never even had two weeks for myself before giving my heart away again!”
And that’s how I feel right now and you know, i just realized that after my failed almost relationship with someone who never knew what he wanted except for the gym, i’ve totally learned to stand up on my own two feet instead of constantly demanding someone to carry me.
For the first time ever, I am not crushing on anyone or thinking of someone 24/7. And it feels great because I’ve always depended on it to make me feel good about myself and suddenly, I truly enjoy the freedom of it all.
I enjoy not constantly looking at my cellphone, trying to see if he replied. I enjoy being able to go out without even fixing myself because it doesn’t matter, I enjoy working out for me and not for some guy who said I wasn’t thin enough for him. (yes, this guy actually exists)
It’s a fun time to be in and although I’d love to travel to all the countries that Elizabeth traveled to, i’m doing quite fine with my computer and my blog.
To be able to be free from the lapses of a dysfunctional relationship is truly all that a girl could wish for and i wish that for every girl that i know that i love dearly. That hopefully they can reach a point where they find comfort in who they are, instead of who they’re with.
it’s highly empowering.