July 18, 2011: Colorful/Organized Monday
My officemate does this for fun. I love seeing bright colors looking so organized. Seriously, it makes my heart melt.
Got my blood results back. I’m the healthiest I have been in 4 years.
Our God is so good.
Author: admin
Rebirth: The Beginning of Project 365, Year 2
July 17, 2011
i wanted to begin 365 on a special date, so i thought of my birthday but a few things needed to be change in the first week of my 23rd year but after an amazing time at church the night before, july 17 became a day of blessings and breakthrough.
Thank you Lord for healing.
This will definitely be an amazing year 2. I cannot wait Lord for all the things that you have for me and those I love this year.
Let’s do this 365.
i’m 23 (07-11-11)
I continue to thank God everyday for all the things that He has blessed me with, things that I have only dreamed of when I was younger.
I thank Him for everything that is in my life at this moment
But I also thank Him for changing my heart everyday in order to accommodate His desires for me. I thank Him that He has allowed me to develop a relationship with Him, one that has filled me with so much peace and so much joy.
Thank you Lord that this year, as I get to know You more, I will have the best year ever, just like I had the best birthday.
God is good all the time.
if you’re a girl, worrying about a guy liking you… read this.
i am a woman.
and just because nature dictates it, i am a woman, therefore tales about men just naturally makes me curious.
i love listening to my friends’ stories about their significant others and i also enjoy reading stories and watching movies that speak of such great love and devotion that they simply make me giggle (or kilig, somehow the pinoy version is always better to hear and respond to) in the most girlish way possible.
i admit it, i love being kilig.
however, since i have never been in a relationship, i really don’t have a lot of stories to share.
but despite all of this, i’ve been a girl for quite awhile now and i have been involved in so many stories and what if conversations with my girlfriends that i feel like an expert even if so far, all my experiences with guys have been a bit off.
i picked up the book He’s Just Not That Into You when in 2009, even though my older girlfriends have been telling me to read it whenever i’d come to them asking for shameless advice that was really a no-brainer.
now at almost 23, i have come to realize the beauty to be found in this book.
the reason for this is that guys are simple, we just make them complicated.
i have been the girl who has made rude and sometimes stupid excuses for guys simply because i was hopeful that this relationship was going to work, and believe me i have made numerous excuses a book should be made out of it.
however, today, it just clicked inside of me, just like what the book said, the day would come when you’d get tired of making excuses for a guy and actually be smart enough to be with one who doesn’t make you wait for a damned phone call.
There are wonderful stories born out of real fairytales. You know those kind where you’ve been friends for ten years and then he makes a move. Or the ones where he delightfully ignores you at first and then realizes that you are the “one”. In all the movies that i have seen, this only happened because at one point that happened to the writer of the movie but had a different outcome.
1) If a guy wants you, he’d call.
– Girls, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We have all been there, whether if it’s a facebook message, a text message, a BBM or an old-school phone call,we’ve all had times when we waited patiently by the phone, waiting for a phone call. In truth, if a guy wants you, he would not make you wait by the phone. Yes, we can’t take away the idea of nerves but at the same time if a guy wants you, he’d use the nerve as an excuse to pursue you, that different kind of adrenaline rush that propels him to get what he wants. So if he’s not calling you, most likely he’s calling someone else.
2) A guy doesn’t want you if he makes you share him with someone else
-We have all heard that excuse before, he’s been with someone for so long he doesn’t want to break her heart yada yada yada, that’s why he’s keeping you his “best kept secret”. If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. If a man wants you, he would take the time to break up with his girlfriend because he wants to get it right with you. It’s as simple as that.
3) If a guy wants you, there are no excuses to not being with you. He will be with you – all the time.
– I’ve had my own dealings with mr. hectic, mr. “i’m-busy”, mr. “there’s a lot on my plate right now”. You know if he wants you he would drop all of those things and pursue you, no excuses. And even if he is busy, he would still take the time to call, manage a skype date or whatever. He would be there, he would make an effort and you wouldn’t even find the time to think or wonder where he is, because he will always be there— always.
4) The lie “i intimidate him” is one of the biggest excuses you’d ever tell your self, among other equally stupid excuses.
– I’ve used that excuse when I was in grade school simply because I was taller than everyone else, I’ve also used it in high school, in college and lately even now that i’m an adult. Truth be told, it’s sort of an egoistic, stupid excuse that doesn’t make sense. Guys love a good challenge. If he wants me and thinks i’m way out of his league, then he should do something about it. I’m worth being pursued.
5) A man is after the chase. If he doesn’t chase you, i’m sorry he is just not that into you.
– It can be highly frustrating that guys still think the way men used to think during the time of Julius Caesar. But that’s how they were built, men were built for competition and nothing thrills them more than winning something they thought they’d never had. Girls who call and text or manipulate their way through a date is annoying to guys. They might enjoy the attention for awhile, but then they’d get bored and find a girl who actually wants to be pursued. Being pursued means you are in control.
I know that these are tough truths that are hard to swallow.
However, isn’t it more difficult to wait on a guy for days, make excuses for him and then realize that you were waiting on nothing? I’ve been there, I’ve been rejected, I’ve waited on nothing, made excuses but the truth is, at the end of the day, it was nothing but the fact that he was just not that into me.
I am a control freak and it’s difficult for me to understand the concept of not being in control, however if i was the one who was doing the pursuing then i didn’t just lose control, i also lost my self-esteem and my pride. rejection is evil and you get rejected when you always make the first move.
Ladies, this entry is not meant to make you feel bad about yourself, in fact this entry was written with this thought in mind “you are worth pursuing and you deserve a guy who knows this”
enough crying over a guy who makes you feel like you don’t deserve it, because damn it, you deserve more than just a phone call, you deserve to be treated like a princess.
When you think about it, God pursued you. God sees you as a princess so you should be with a guy who makes you feel like one.
So chin up, once you get over wanting the guy who obviously doesn’t want you then you are making room for that someone who doesn’t just want you, but loves you and is not afraid to show it.
God made him just for you, so take heart, wait on God and the perfect love story will fall into place.
looking back at previous blog entries and all i can say is this: God is good… all the time.
Teenage Dream
Eversince February 2008 i have always been agonizing over someone.
Will he call me?
Does he like me?
Why didn’t he call?
And the list goes on. Eversince getting my heart conveniently smashed in 2008 (and repeatedly until 2010), every would be relationship became a little scary to me so i started running away.
I forgot what it was like to simply have a crush on someone without agonizing over every single detail.
So today i admit i have this shameless crush on someone but that is all that is there to it.
No wondering. No games.
Just a shameless crush that makes you happy.
A little in between in the day that instantly makes you smile.
Rhythms of His Grace
Most people think that just because you’re actively pursuing a relationship with Jesus means that you’re perfect all the time or that you never make mistakes.
In truth, having Jesus in my heart means that i’m always praying that i don’t mess things but my human nature basically prevents me from doing so.
And in a way, i am grateful because i am only as good as my weakest link and the enemy knows when and how to attack.
So eventhough i have Jesus in my heart, it is only by His grace that i am stable everyday. Without Jesus, i would definitely be a walking time bomb still.
Yes i am not perfect and everyday i am thankful for grace, however this does not give me an excuse to just live life carelessly. However, i am limited by my human nature, extra grateful for God’s goodness.
His grace is sufficient and everyday im blessed to say that i may get it wrong but Jesus’ blood is enough to correct and save me everytime.
say it with me, “I AM BEAUTIFUL”
Psalm 139: 13-16 (MSG)
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day.
i could count the number of times that i’ve been called unpretty.
ever since i was in second grade, i have always been the energetic child, the talkative child, the entertainer, best reader, book worm and so on, but never the beautiful one.
and up until a few years ago, it greatly bothered me that i was not beautiful simply because i was surrounded by siblings who were beyond beautiful that being in the same room with them was extremely intimidating. for years i was left saying that yes,, they are my siblings and that i simply did not make the cut in the mestiza department.
so eventhough i hid behind my books and wrote profusely in my journals, trying to be smart instead of beautiful because i’ve been told that i cannot be both, i still desired to become beautiful. i desired to become someone who was worthy of being loved.
i just believed that if i was beautiful enough, maybe one day i’d be the girl who can finally be invited to prom.
i’m about to turn 23 in a few days and i don’t think that i’d ever be that girl, but you know what it’s okay.
i’ll never be the girl that guys fall over for, i’d always be the tomboy who her guy friends use to get the prom queen, but you know it’s okay.
for awhile, it probably bothered me, but today as i write this, i think it’s one of those things that i’ve finally learned to let go of.
and don’t get me wrong, this is not a pity journal entry, because you know what, God created me and I do know that my Savior does not make mistakes nor does he produce “just good enough” creations, i believe that every single person walking on this planet is beautiful. i also believe that i’m awesome simply because my Heavenly Father is.
that i should really stop trying to become the prom queen because God has blessed me with people who love me simply because i’m me, that to some people my laughter is more important than my waist line and in a way, i’m sort of grateful that i didn’t grow up the beautiful one, simply because through those experiences of being looked that i gained compassion and empathy for others. that because i was not praised growing up, i learned to know how valuable it is to give people a sincere compliment.
it’s one of those things, the devil meant it for evil, but God turned it around for good.
i’ve also come to realize that being beautiful has nothing to do with the clothes i wear or the shape of my face, instead it has a lot to do with how much love i have in my heart, so these days, the days that i feel ugly is when i carry around an extra ounce of hatred in my heart. even with my comfiest, rattiest clothes, with messy hair and no make up on, i still feel beautiful because my heart is happy.
nothing can ever take the place of a happy heart, one that is secured in who God made you to be, one that knows that my God is the God who created both beauty and me, so there’s nothing to fear.
i never thought i’d reach this point of seeing everyone as beautiful. i’ve carried so much anger in my heart for so many years. there were so many years of darkness that light feels so good, light feels so good that i never want to go back.
and don’t get me wrong, there are still days that i still get called unpretty or unworthy, but it doesn’t move me as much, it stings but i’ve learned to shrug it off, because now I know who I belong to, who has my heart and what He has to say about me.
and you know, His approval of me, His love for me is more than enough.
so just in case you stumbled upon this entry and feeling not your best self, i hope you know that God created you to be beautiful and that He created you perfectly, quirks and all and He appreciates you for who you are and in the right time, He will send people who will appreciate you for who you are, no matter how flawed you are.
God’s love is more than enough to let you shine and in His time, when you meet the right person, it’s His light that will shine through you, it has nothing do with your superficial beauty or your clothes, it’s all about Jesus. Shine for Him. You have Jesus in your heart and He is all you need to be confident.
You are beautiful, don’t you dare forget that. No matter how many people have broken your heart or how many people have called you fat, you are beautiful.
Your heart makes you beautiful and i hope you are reminded every second of every day, because as we find our confidence in Him, we radiate in a way that only daughters of God can.
relentless love
Offense creates defense.
A term more well-suited for basketball than in relationships, but lately that’s how I’ve given myself in relationships. It may be unfair to put up so many walls for the new people in my life simply because the old ones have created scars that are quite difficult to forget.
However, I have learned that putting up walls and not letting anyone in is not the way to go.
Maybe if there’s anything I learned in the past three weeks is the fact that there are no perfect people, no perfect friends and most especially no perfect significant other.
It must be a shame to relentlessly believe the good in people but if i refuse to believe the good in people then what good are relationships for?
It was quite a challenging three weeks for me, I was being pulled away by my sometimes unrealistically high expectations of people and a heart that simply wanted to run away.
I once again wanted to hide in my shell and not give my heart in relationships simply because I learned that it is better to stay away.
However, I recall the times that He took me back even when I have run away from him and towards a lifestyle that did not please Him at all. I recalled the times I refused Him to satisfy my own desires and I have come to realize that if He gave up on me, where would I be now?
His love has no expectations. He loves me and doesn’t expect anything in return because that’s how perfect His love is.
As a human being, I have failed considerably. Once again, I was caught up in my own selfish desires and what I think I wasn’t getting instead on focusing on what I could give.
I keep forgetting about the kind of love that does not expect and the kind of love that loves just because.
It’s a liberating kind of love because since we are not caught up in getting what we want, since we are not counting the mistakes against us or the expectations that are not met, we’re not awake at night thinking of what we don’t have.
Love, real love is highly liberating and through Him, we can love people for what they are and not for what we want or expect them to be.
The in-between
When i was a little, i had a shameless crush on Patrick Garcia.
And from the moment i was six, i never stopped having a crush, but now i’m in that moment where i’m not grieving over what was or worrying about will be.
It is a liberating thing to not be in agony over someone.
Such freedom.
