“Usually, when you hear that word, aftermath, it’s after an event, a devastation, an earthquake, or a storm, or a flood. But, truth is, tonight, if it wasn’t for Jesus, we’d all be caught in the aftermath of our failure. We’d all be caught in the wreckage of our lives, our own choices, our own mistakes. But, because of Jesus, because of what He did on the cross, we get to live in a different kind of aftermath.”
i am emotional.
i used to enjoy feeling things. i used to savor every emotion in my body and just dive into them without hesitating.
but lately, i’ve been running away, i’ve been running away because i’ve listened to my emotions more than once before and it led me to trouble.
so now, no matter what i feel, i would not act upon it to be fair to myself and those around me and it’s not the easiest thing, because i adore feelings things, i have so much passion for so many things, but so many times, my passion has been directed to the wrong people, or probably the right people at the wrong time, whichever sounds better.
i don’t like to give in to temporary feelings just because it feels good. i want to stay on the steady path without having to think twice.
2011 will still be my year. God is good all the time and i know He will send the right people at the right time.
in october 2009, my family and i went to baguio and i remember clearly that i had this crazy crush on someone that i was only looking at from afar.
i never ever thought that there would come a time when i’d have the opportunity to talk to him and hang out with him, but God is funny and surprising that way.
however, it is never quite the same way we think of in our heads.
this time, i’m walking away from this one because friendships lasts while relationships don’t.
i have trust issues, a lot of them.
i don’t say the right things at the right time and there may be days when you don’t get my jokes.
there would also be days when i’d run away and try my hardest to conceal what i feel simply because i want you to pursue me, it may be my biggest flaw, but seriously, i would not give you even a hint until i know that your heart is mine completely.
it will take awhile, but i do hope you stick it out.
it took about an hour for me to write this entry.
it is quite impossible to write down three years worth of emotions, but as i look back on my blog entries from February 2008, i have come to realize that i don’t feel anything at all.
i don’t feel angry. i don’t feel upset. i don’t even feel hopeful.
my feelings for that relationship has already died and it’s not that i can’t look back, it just means that i don’t want to anymore.
there’s finally nothing for me to look back to and even though i have what i could only wish for two years ago, i finally know what i’m worth.
and this time, i’m not just saying it just to pretend.
In the past six months, my life has been nothing but a series of emotional high, lows and gotta gos (had to include it, it rhymes).
It was definitely a struggle (and on most days, still a bit of it) but this week, I felt free.
It was nice to look back and recount the events of those troubling months with a slight smile and little pump fist in the air, because above anything else, I survived that.
I may be a little bruised, a little shaken, but nonetheless, still standing.
None of which I credit myself for, simply because if it was up to me then I would have ended up locked up somewhere.
It is quite amazing what God does to the broken pieces of our lives. I remember desperately trying to hold on to them, no matter how painful it was when all I really had to do was let go of it and allow the wounds to heal.
It’s so beautiful what happens when we continue to fall deeply in love with Him, we let go of things that never seemed to bother us before.
What’s even more beautiful that despite all of our stupidness, He remains steadfast and faithful, always patient with our mistakes and our outcry for something silly.
So i encourage you today, what broken piece would you gladly surrender to Him today?
i don’t know how to comment on the RH Bill.
unlike my pesky sixteen year old self, i no longer pretend to know it all about politics and try to keep it on the down low.
however, this ridiculous debate on the RH bill just boggles me.
seriously.
are we even looking at the real core of the subject?
or are we simply swimming along the ins and outs, seeing where the boat sways and stay there for good?
for one thing, we should take into consideration the fact that we are talking about people here, not just legos that are built together to create some kind of utopia inside a child’s room.
there are people to be considered and lives to be saved.
at most part, i’d like to think that children and people should be informed.
and when i say informed, i don’t just mean informed in the sense that you tell them how to put a condom on, instead people should be informed of the consequences of specific actions.
i don’t care if you have seventeen kids, if you can raise them, however way you and your husband can, go ahead and have them.
however, if you are unstable and might end up raising equally unstable kids, then please, stop right there. there are too many damaged children walking around.
and also, if you cannot give your child a decent education (which means they can’t help you in the future) then please… consider your decisions.
more than the RH bill, this is a very personal topic, not one is able to each individual is different, but each individual deserves to be informed.
to be able to make solid decisions, information and the means to make use of this information is important.
it doesn’t have to be complicated, get to the core issues, become a person not a politician, live in someone’s shoes for awhile.
and that is all that i can say about this matter.
